Yes, you are misunderstanding something.
The issue is not whether my sister was a person (a soul), but whether this world is in any sense necessary for preparing a soul for it’s highest good (and it makes no difference to me whether you believe it’s necessary in the LFW sense of providing a context for making choices, or in the alternate sense of providing a contrast between good and evil.)
If it’s not necessary (i.e. if persons can be created sinless, loving, wise, perfectly happy, and perfectly grateful creatures, with the full knowledge of good and evil, and fully understanding God’s love for them–i.e. if the potter can instantaneouly produce the finished product without working with any clay), then all human experience here (includng Eden, Gethsemane, and Calvary) is meaningless (and we can throw C.S. Lewis, George MacDonald, Prof. Tom Talbott, A.E. Knoch, and every Christian theologian or Philosopher who’s ever considered the problem of evil out the window.)
Not necessarily, if they’ve maintained some connection to this world.
Why would it be implausible that the disembodied souls of infants who never lived outside the womb are able to see and feel living chidren at play, riding their bikes, skinning their kness, interacting with other children and adults, making mistakes, learning and growing (and that they might somehow learn and grow with them)?
If the whole topic is as wide-open to speculation as you say it is, why would you rule out the possibility of some kind of meaningful connection between this world and the intermediate state?
It would make this world as necessary for them as it is for us, and they’d be able to benefit from it without being re-incarnated (or even resurrected in a quasi-mortal, pre-glorified state.)
What is so frightening about that speculation?
What is so far fetched?
(Even Jung’s hypothesis of a collective unconscious posits some connection between all human souls.)
I’ve encountered attitudes similar to yours (“yes” there must be an answer, but we dare not ask the question, and it’s best not to think about any possible answers) on an Anglican forum, and it truly mystifies me (though yours mystifies me even more, as you do ask the question.)
Please tell me.
Why is the above speculation implausible?
And why is all speculation to be avoided (especially when someone is in pain, and looking for plausible answers that don’t violate his Christian Faith)?