That sounds nice, but it can take a long time before someone develops love for someone and is in turn loved by the person he/she loves (when we’re defining “love” as being sure one wants to spend the rest of one’s life with another). Bludgeoning oneself with guilt for lust until one finds that person is not healthy. I’m so tired of doing it my faith is in shambles.
What is the one you’re “trying out” is harmed by your lustful activity with her? What if it spoils her chance of finding a loving Christian husband with whom she could spend the rest of her life in mutual love?
First of all, lustful thoughts couldn’t do that. Second, even if lust turned into intercourse, that’s why typically people obtain consent before the act. People have sex for pleasure. This includes women. Can you explain how a woman would be harmed by fornication?
May I chime in here? Because that’s well said and this has been a big issue for me also.
Before I was saved I had a number of relationships that lasted between 2 and 7 years. My concept was that if you’re not sexually compatible, how’s everything else going to fit together? I tell you, that is dead wrong, it’s putting the cart before the horse and sets you on a hiding to nothing, the road to perdition, that way be dragons etc.
The Invernessian had the right idea, and what a depth of God’s gifts he clearly shared with his wife, which blessed him with plenty of fruit!
But I find myself now in a similar situation to you, as Hamlet said ‘crawling between heaven and earth’.
We need to be careful of what attracts us to a woman. And it’s easy to deceive ourselves when we desire something. But if we can’t overcome the lustful spirit (early in a relationship) with a true passion - ie a burgeoning desire to give, nurture, protect, share, sacrifice, be intimate, trust, build up and encourage etc, then from my experience the relationship cannot and will not last.
So when pursuing a female we’ve got to try and stay focused on the bigger picture, the longer-range view, things above, and keep the faith, despite the apparent ‘zugswang’ position in which we might find ourselves. I try to develop a line of questions (not interrogatories) to allow me to discern both her and my true motives (beware the Jezebel spirit, cleave to the excellent woman of Pro 31:10-31).
Still, what self-respecting woman would go for Christian universalist who goes against the grain on just about every basic tenet of modern polite society! See, you’re already ahead.
qaz, there has been plenty of testimony given as to the validity of God’s word, not only by the things you see in the world around you, but by people of the past and present( including many on this forum)who through experience have told you the way. However, you still have neither eyes to see nor ears to hear. It’s the same old story as told in Genesis, “Did God really say that?”
Your excuses don’t cut it.
“Well, it can take a long time…”
" A loving God wouldn’t deny me my every desire."
“Well, if two people consent then that makes it okay.”
“People have sex for pleasure.”
Then there AG’s statements. “This is the way of the world.” and “Women in antiquity were known to be very sexual and have insatiable sex drives.”
None of the above is going to change God’s word. It is what it is. There are lots of things people do for their OWN pleasure that are not pleasing to God.
But as Paul says in Romans 1:20 “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen and understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so they are without excuse.”
I think Bob and Dave have given you good advice. If you don’t believe, then go your own way and see what kind of fruit it produces. Maybe then your eyes will be opened.
When we were discussing male / female relationships, this song keep coming to mind - for some strange reason!
qaz, if you meet a person you love, all doubts will go away. The upside of being with this person far out weighs the down side of ‘what if’, but it does take something from you, to be willing to co exist with someone is a very back and forth thing. It will never be perfect, but it can be fulfilling as others here have witnessed to.
And every relationship has bumps. My wife and I know at this point that each of us would die for the other…
When you get to that point, life is good. You have found your soul mate.
Just like these two have done!
But they might have a hard time, “dying for each other”!
You are interesting. Randy.
If I am fueding with my wife, there is no way I am going to enter into that.
Hey qaz… I’ve been a little MIA of late as I’ve been on a motorbike tour in Vietnam, but on return your thought below has caught my eye…
Sometimes our questions are the wrong questions. You might find this latest contribution by Andrew Perriman of interest where he deals with faith-shaking questions and whether these are really where it’s at; consider…
That’s an intriguing way to spend a vacation. I’ve heard from guys that served over there, who then went back to visit, and they say it is a definite tourist attraction and a beautiful country. Agree?
That sounds super cool, Davo. Do you mind sharing a bit? It reminds me of my dream, of a similar tour - in the future! Although I can’t say much, regarding my traveling companions. They take getting used to.
It is indeed a beautiful country though our particular ride didn’t cover so much of the more usual “tourist” places as our ride was predominately up the wild central west highlands of the Ho Chi Minh trail covering a lot of rural Vietnam… quite an experience.
I’m still trying to do a realistic motorbike winding road tour of the Ozarks. Good luck davo.
I’ve never been to Vietnam, but we had the privilege of sponsoring several different Vietnamese families of refugees after the Vietnam war (which was won by the Marxists). They wanted to eliminate all of the educated people of the formerly non-Communist South Vietnam. The first family we sponsored was Van Le, his wife, and two sons. That was the family we loved most. I wept when they eventually made the move to Vancouver.
Their two sons attended the local school, and were the top students in their class even though they were of a different language background.
Van had been an electro-chemical engineer and his wife a pharmacist. They lived in a trailer on our 160 acres of farm property. My wife at the time later died of a rare disease, but my present wife and I still live on the property.
The Le family were always trying to save us money and in ways that we would never have considered. To give an interesting example— one day I noticed Van had a canvas spread on stakes driven into the ground, and he had potatoes cut into the shape of french fries placed on the canvas.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Drying these potatoes in the sun to make french fries,” he answered.
“Yes, I realized you were drying them, but why don’t you just put them directly into the oil and cook them?”
His response: “Save electricity.”
One day he asked me, “Is it true that in Canada, people do not eat the feet of the chicken?”
When I was a little kid a long, long time ago, we raised chickens for their eggs and meat. On Sundays, we almost always had home-made spaghetti. My mother would put all of the chicken parts into her spaghetti sauce, with the meatballs. My older sister got the neck. The next one got the wings. I got the feet. Delicious. But I was raised in Massachusetts, not Canada. Oh, would I love to have one such meal prepared by her today!
Uh…wow. I’d stay a foot away from that one.
I was in DaNang in '69-70. I saw a little of the country and learned to enjoy it. Did not partake of local eateries however.