The Evangelical Universalist Forum

A funeral homily for my son

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#1

Dear friends,

I have never (as far as I recall) posted on this forum. I discovered it last year after reading The Evangelical Universalist and The Inescapable Love of God. What struck me about these books is how well they chimed with the universalist writings of St Gregory of Nyssa and St Isaac of Syria. This was important, as I entered into the Orthodox Church a little over a year ago.

For over 30 years, under the influence of Robert W. Jenson, T. F. Torrance, Karl Barth, and Hans Urs von Balthasar, I have been what is sometimes called a hopeful universalist. I have never preached universalism; I have simply prayed it.

But ten days ago my 32 year old son committed suicide. I decided to preach at his funeral. I found that I had to preach a more confident word than I had previously proclaimed from the pulpit. It was no longer sufficient to merely “hope” for my son’s eternal salvation. I had to believe, must believe, that God will indeed save my beloved son. We will be restored to each other, not only because I must hope and pray that God will save my Aaron but also because I must hope and pray he will save me with Aaron–in and through and by the Lord Jesus Christ.

Perhaps you might find my funeral homily for Aaron Edward Kimel spiritually edifying.

#2

Alvin,

Let me be the first here to say, thanks for sharing! That was beautiful and moved me to tears. I pray and trust that the Comforter will gently comfort your hearts in this time of grief, and I’m glad that your spirit has been empowered by faith in Christ, empowered to withstand the trial of your son’s passing. Thank you for being so open and sharing with us.

sincerely,
Sherman

p.s. Welcome to the EU forum. I hope you continue to participate here and share more.

#3

With tears literally streaming down my face and not being able to see to type well, Father Kimel, I can say with all the assurance in Jesus Christ, that heaven will ONLY be heaven with your son there!! As my friend says in his signature on this sight, “why would God make our earthly ties so strong so as to break them in heaven?” There are NO words I realize, to comfort you, to erase your pain, or even to reassure you, but I AM convinced that Aaron, your beloved son, WILL be in heaven with all of us. Please take what little I have to offer as some sort of understanding. Unless someone has lost a loved one to suicide (I have), they will not quite understand the confusion, the hurt, and the sufferiing, not to mention all the questions of “why.”

Father Kimel, my heart aches for you and yours, truly. I offer up my prayers for you and your family…

Love in Jesus Christ,
Bret

#4

My condolences and prayers to you, your dear son, and all of your family, Alvin. Your homily was powerful, heart-rending, and filled with the hope and glory of our Lord.

Many blessings of His love and comfort to you and yours in this time of sorrow,

Eric

#5

God is good. He will make all things well. Nothing else really matters.

#6

Dear akimel, Bless you and your family. God never gives up on anybody.

#7

Alvin, that was beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with us. :slight_smile:

I can’t say that I’ve been in your place, but I can say that I’ve been in your son’s place… I’ve believed as he believed, and been in despair as he was… so all I can offer is this: God never gave up on me, even in the times that I was running from Him, or pushing Him away, or fighting against Him… He never gave up on me. And in my darkness I know that He was there, holding onto me, staying with me, whether I was aware of it or not… and just as God has never given up on me in spite of everything, I know and believe that He won’t give up on your son either, for God shows no partiality, and is merciful over all of His works, and is, above all, compassionate, and His compassions never fail…

I don’t know why some, like myself, can find the strength to go on, and why others, like your son, can’t find it, but I do know, and believe as much as I am able, and now more than ever, that God’s love never fails, and not for anyone, even though sometimes it may appear to, and that He is near to the brokenhearted and to the crushed in spirit, even if they don’t know or care that He’s near, or even if He doesn’t seem to be…

When we look at the surface of things, it’s hard to see sometimes that there is any hope. It’s like the night sky being overcast… we can’t see any stars, and one may wonder if they’re still there… but we can know by faith that they are still there, just as we can know by faith that there is still hope even when we’re in the dark.

If God is good, and we both believe that He is, you will see your son again, and embrace him in your arms…

In this crazy world we live in, all we have is hope… when I was an agnostic/atheist, I had little hope… I didn’t have much to look forward to, when I really thought about it… and I didn’t really have anyone to look to for help but myself… I was alone inside of myself, and basically on my own… but Christ gives me hope, more hope than I ever had when all I had was myself… the hope that I’m loved, that I’m truly known and truly understood, that I’m not alone, that, ultimately, it’s gonna be okay in the end…

And I believe this hope extends to all people… because our God is the God of all hope, just as He is the God of all…

And the hope there is in Christ isn’t just a desire or a wish like hope may be for us sometimes, but something that is rock-solid and confident and assured and unbreakable… it is a promise, a commitment… it is grounded in Him and not dependent on us… it is by sheer pure infinite grace, and nothing more… and I believe that this extends as much to your son, and to everyone, as it does to me…

Yes, there will be judgment, yes, we will all need to be cleansed, made new, and that may be difficult and painful for some if not for many, but mercy will triumph over judgment, and when all is said and done, I believe there will be joy… and we can hold onto that hope, and that glimmer of ‘joy, beyond the walls of this world, as poignant as grief’, and until that day, remember our loved ones who have gone, and keep their memory alive in our hearts, until we see them again, and see Him face to face, the One who is their Father and their Savior and their Comforter, as much as He is ours…

Well, that’s all I can think to say…

Blessings to you Alvin, and may your hope in Christ, and may your hope for your son, grow and grow and be strengthened more and more…

And thank you again for sharing, brother :slight_smile:

Grace and peace to you :slight_smile:

Matt

#8

Hi. I read your post earlier today as I was heading out the door to go to band practice. One of my band mates lives right close to where a friend of mine is buried, walking distance in fact. I took to opportunity to go to the grave site since I was so close by. I haven’t been for at least a year, maybe more. As I stood staring at the headstone of my friend, I thought of you and your son. My friend committed suicide as well and he was 33. I thought it right Providential. I think I should share with you the verse written on William’s headstone: “In They light, we shall see light”. I pray comfort for you and I am so sorry about your son.

Sass

#9

So hurting for you, brother. May you be comforted with the comfort of our Father, who loves your son more than you ever could, and will never surrender him to the chaos of nihilism.

Thanks you so very much for sharing your pain and your comfort with us. I talk to a lot of atheist kids and young adults on-line, and it’s so sad to see through their swagger to the destitution within. Father will heal them in His time, as He will also heal you and your family and your dear son.

Blessings, Cindy

#10

Everything has been said which needed to be said. Love and prayers, Andrew

#11

I am Aaron Edward Kimel’s mother.
First, let me say thank you to all of you who have expressed such sympathy and offered prayers for both our family and the soul of our beloved son.
I want to comment on edwardtulane82’s post:
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and assuring us of Jesus’ zealous pursuit of all His lost sheep. When Aaron was in high school, he would have friendly debates with his father about the existence of God. I would listen. Sometimes after the debate, Aaron would ask me what I thought. I would just look at him and say, “Aaron, the Lord has you in HIs hand, you were baptized into Him and He will never let you go. You should just stop fighting and give in now.” I said it with a smile and he would give me a sardonic “Aaron” look and shake his head like I was crazy. But I cling to that now. He loved us so very much, Al and me, his brothers and sister, and his best friends; if he had such love in his heart I cannot believe that, confronted with the living Christ, he could do anything but surrender to Him.
Thank you all again for you prayers. Please keep praying; it is the only thing holding us up.

#12

May the Lord bless you.
May the Lord fill you with peace.
May the Lord comfort you with His presence.
May the Lord fill you with faith.
May the Lord see that His kingdom come, His will be done in your life!

It is truly Good News that we have come to believe, that one day every knee shall bow in worship and every tongue shall joyfully proclaim allegiance to the Lord, that just as the sin of Adam subjected us all to death, the sacrifice of Christ brings us all into life, that God has and will ultimately reconcile all of creation, that God will fulfill the good work that He has begun in all of us through giving us life and creating us in His image! In Christ we have life, love, and hope for all!

#13

Christine,

I am so very, very sorry for your pain. I won’t say loss, for you haven’t lost your son – only his company for a few years (short in comparison to the never-ending years to come, but sooo long now, I know.)

A couple of years ago, Father started showing me things that made me a little nervous. I have a pane of glass from an old frame in my studio. I use it for various art projects. First I had it on my easel. I didn’t see it and dropped it onto the floor. Though it is very thin, it didn’t break. I was surprised, but I put it on the easel again and forgot about it (yeah – pretty dumb). This happened again, and again it didn’t break. That got my attention. I leaned it up against some canvasses on the floor against the wall, and yes, I again knocked it over and it didn’t break. (I’m not always this clumsy, really.) Father said to me, “If I don’t want it broken, it won’t break.” Uh oh . . . what’s He up to, comforting me in advance?

I have a stoneware flowerpot, which I made. Not particularly heavy, though not as fragile as the glass. The dog knocked it off onto the floor when she got excited about a deer walking by the window, and the plant fell out, but the pot didn’t break. Not having a lot of time at that moment, I eased the plant back into the pot, intending to work on it later, and put the pot on the table to keep it safe until I found a new place for it. And then, believe it or not, I dropped a big rock on it the next day. (My grandfather was a rockhound, so I have a lot of fancy rocks, and I was moving this one to a different location.) The pot didn’t break or even chip.

Later I found a new spot to put it, but I put off working on the plant. I watered it and rushed out the door. Well, I eventually forgot to do anything to the plant, and several weeks later I realized it, and that the plant was still flourishing, as it is today. I never did tend to it. God said to me, “You cannot suffer any lasting loss.”

My dear precious daughter has fallen away from the Lord, and it hurts me terribly – I know this was what He was preparing me for. But I know it’s going to be okay. At the time all the clumsiness was happening, I had recently become an annihilationist, and a year and a half later (before she ran into her troubles) I realized that God had no intention of losing ANY of His much-beloved children. It was so good and merciful of Him to get me ready for this.

I realize your pain has to be so much more than mine, but let me offer you His consolation, with which He has comforted me: Nothing will be broken that He doesn’t WANT to be broken, and You, dear sister, can suffer no lasting loss. I know we’re all praying for you and your family. When one part of the body hurts, the whole body hurts with it.

Love, Cindy

#14

I was just reading Spiritual Terrorism by Boyd C. Purcell. In chapter 7 called Better than God he shares this poem about another mother dealing with the suicide of her son, brought you to my mind. The chapter is on suicide, I pray this poem will bless both of you.

Better than God???
by Peggy Kociscin

The day you died, my mind, my heart became obsessed by fear.
Where are you? Did a hell now claim the son I hold so dear?

For I recalled the “thou shalt nots” instilled within my brain;
Will judgment for the failure mean an everlasting pain?

Addiction gained control of you (a rebel through and through);
Appalled and hurt, my heart would break at things you’d say and do.

But through my fear, God came to me and touched me tenderly.
He smiled and with a loving voice He kindly spoke to me.

Did you love your son no matter what? “Certainly,” I said.
“Did you forgive him for the pain for all the things he did?”

“Of course,” I said, “He is my son, how could I not forgive him?
An unconditional mother’s love was all I had to give him.”

I thought I heard God chuckle then as He whispered His reply,
“Why would you think that you can love more perfectly than I?”

Chastised, ashamed, I understood, all doubt and fear now ceased;
My son is in the hands of God in glory and at peace.

I find that I can let him go and the pain is now abating;
For I know that when I meet my God my John will be there…waiting.

#15

Thanks Alvin and Christine. The homily was very moving. Won’t it be wonderful when all things (including Aaron) are made new through Christ! God has said it will happen.

I’m sure you know Aaron means ‘mountain’ and we know that God can move them.

Scott

#16

Amen brother. Thanks for sharing this post and your homily. My heart goes out to you as my eyes swell with tears.

I am sure your son is beautiful - because he was fashioned by God and made to be the pride and joy of a Godly man. This is a vital truth to uphold. But what is really at stake is our perception of the character of our Father. Is he like so many men … content in the presence of perpetual retribution for another? Delighted that it is everlasting?

Or is God better than us? As your eloquent homily indicates … “Yes.”

Isaiah 55:8 (NKJV) “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord

#17

You are very welcome, Christine.

I’m grateful that what I had to say was an encouragement to you. That God could use my stumbling, rambling words to help someone else means a lot to me. :slight_smile:

Aaron sounds like he was a great guy, and it sounds to me like he had two wonderful, loving parents, who still cared for and were there for him even though he didn’t share their beliefs… like Cindy, I’m sorry for your pain, though not your loss, because like her I don’t believe you’ve really lost him, at least not for long. I believe you will see him again someday, and that it will be a joyful day. :slight_smile:

There was one more thing I’d like to share with you that may encourage you and Alvin.

It happens that today was the birthday of my late friend Elizabeth Walton, who would have been 94 today.

She was an elderly lady in a wheelchair whom I met in church and befriended, and began to visit in her nursing home.

Imagine that, a friendship between a guy in his twenties and a lady in her nineties. :wink:

Anyways, she had been a nurse and a missionary in India for over thirty years, and had lived an amazing life. We would talk about life and God and everything, and we would pray together. Her prayers were so open and honest and heartfelt and childlike, and her faith and hope and trust in God even after all that time, though she had her struggles, was inspiring… she was an amazing human being, and a good friend…

Last August she passed away, and I hadn’t visited with her for a few weeks, having been so busy, and I wished that I’d had the chance to say goodbye… I wrote a sort of homily myself for her that I shared at her funeral at the nursing home, which, to my surprise, family and friends found very meaningful, even though they’d known her longer than I did…

If you’d like to read that, then just let me know and I could hunt down the file and send it to you in a message…

But I was going to say that about two days after she passed, I came across a video made by Rob Bell, called Matthew (of all things, my name sake) that was part of a great series of videos entitled NOOMA (meaning ‘breath’). The video was about grief, and in it Rob Bell talked about the death of his young friend Matthew in a tragic car accident, and talked about how people respond to grief, and how God responds to it, and the hope that we have because He’s there… it’s really a beautiful message that Bell shares in that video, and actually it played a part I think in leading me to embracing a belief in universal salvation, and it also comforted me and encouraged me after the passing of my friend…

But I wanted to share that with you. Here’s a link to it on YouTube, if you would like to watch it:

youtube.com/watch?v=FbRwbkdyG8Y

May it encourage you as it did me. :slight_smile:

Blessings to you Christine, and to Alvin as well, and may you be strengthened and comforted in this time of grief…

You’re not alone, and there is always hope.

Matt

#18

Hi Alvin and Christine

Thank you both for your courage, and for the love you have both shown in support of your dear son Aaron. There is nothing I can say to lessen your pain and sadness. Only God can do that - and I have no doubt that He will, in time.

But I thank you for the incredibly powerful message of hope that you preach. I have heard it argued by those who would speak against Christian Universalism that our ultimate happiness is not contingent on the happiness of those whom we love. Your testimony demolishes that absurd claim. Thankfully the God who is love knows the truth, hence I am convinced that you and Aaron - and all those whom you and he love and have ever loved - will be brought together again in the eschaton. God will heal Aaron’s pain, and in the process heal yours. The hardest thing is to wait. Why it has to be that way, I do not know.

Peace and love

Johnny

#19

Amen Alvin and Christine:

What a stunning tribute…
First, to your son, but also to God’s Son – our Brother! – and the Hope His Life and Death and Resurrection brings.
If you are wrong in your hope, I strain to imagine what is solved or accomplished by God in failing to restore and reconcile Aaron. No, Aaron shall be an eternal testimony to the very truth of the very heart of God.

Thank you so much for blessing us by sharing both your pain and your hope.

Bobx3

#20

Dear Father Alvin and Christine,

I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Yet, I am glad for the grace that allows you to see confidently into our heavenly Father’s heart and find… in the Person of His Son… His abiding and relentless love for Aaron. Every knee **will **bow, and every tongue **will **confess. All **will **be well.

Love,

Andy