1). We admitted we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors. That our lives had become unmanageable. Romans 7:18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.
Realize I’m not God; I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and my life is unmanageable. “Happy are those who know they are spiritually poor”
Step one tells me that I’m in bondage. I’m a slave to sin. I cannot control my emotions, desires, and hurts that lead me to wrong behavior. I was very shame based growing up. I was abused growing up as a child and this cause me to hate myself. This shame would lead to drugs and alcohol. Drugs and alcohol would cause me to act crazy and this would cause more shame. Even sober I was awkward. I was a shame based outcast. Shame produced sin and sin produce intense shame and anxiety. This is what is known as a shame spiral. I couldn’t communicate or look others in the eye. Shyness turned into social phobia and social phobia turned into a paranoid psychoses. My psychoses is just an intense fear and shame. When I’m having psychotic delusions I’m experiencing high intensity shame and anxiety. I turn inward and experience self-consciousness to the extreme. With a highly sensitized focus on myself the self conscious shame and fears cause me to have a psychotic break. Step One is surrendering and accepting my powerlessness. I cannot control my desires and emotions that lead to sinful habits. I stop trying to control them and admit complete defeat. I accept myself and my emotions and let them be. I let go and flow as I relax and rest.
- Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Philippians 2:13 For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.
Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to him, and that he has the power to help me recover. “Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”
The next step is coming to believe in God and have faith that He can restore me to sanity. The Bible says God promises to work everything together for good for those that love Him. My God is all powerful, All loving, Infinite in wisdom and knowledge, self-sufficient. Sovereign and in control, Omnipresent, and Holy. Compared to God I’m nothing but valuable to Him.
- Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God. Romans 12:1 Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.
Consciously choose to commit all my life and will to Christ’s care and control. “Happy are the meek”
This step is letting go and letting God have control of my life. I surrender and place my faith in God. I trust Him as I turn it over to God. I accept that I cannot control my desires and emotions that lead to sin and this loosens their grip over me. By giving up control I gain self-control as I abandon myself over to God. I’m turning my whole self over to god past present and future. God promises to work all things good and bad together for my good. I surrender and trust God. I’m more at peace with my faith in God for my past. Having faith in God brings me into union with Christ as I have eternal significance and worth. The fruits of the Spirit are love joy peace faith patience kindness goodness and self control. The purpose of my past was to transform me into the likeness and image of Christ. This happens when I let go and trust God or have faith in God. Surrendering (letting go) and focusing on God in worship through music, writing, poetry and helping someone else got my attention flowing outward and the self-conscious shame/anxiety was released. When you lose yourself you find yourself like people do when they go for a walk noticing the scenery and environment, exercise, listen to music, read, write, blog, play games like solitaire, work, color, worship and praise God, watch a wholesome or educational T.V. show, serve and help others, doing a hobby that focuses your attention like painting, putting models together, and socializing. Anything that gets the attention focused and flowing outside of self gets rid of the intense self-conscious shame and fear and grandiosity. The idea is to develop new habits after losing the old ones that turn your focus outward not inward.