I was abused as a child growing up which gave me a shame based personality. Add to that I was shy and I had a hard time relating to others. I couldn’t look others in the eye. When I found drugs and alcohol my shame and fear would be released only to return the next day because of my wrong behavior when I was using. It’s the cycle of shame. It became so intense that I had a psychotic break with reality during a shame spiral. My paranoia and psychoses is based on shame. Because of the wrongs done to me I was awkward and this would not only cause me to act different but would cause me to sin. I was different. I was contaminated by sin’s shame. I was an outcast and a nothing. Christ came for the outcasts as he became nothing and took on the shame of the outcasts. In Him I have acceptance and value, and forgiveness when I confess. In fact I’ve recently wrote down my entire life story and read into a friend. I’ve come to see that my behaviors and mental illness are rooted in fear and shame. God’s love and acceptance is what is bringing me healing. I’ve decided to love and accept that part of me that was hurting. I’m turning my whole self over to god past present and future. God promises to work all things good and bad together for my good. I surrender and trust God. I’m more at peace with my faith in God for my past. Having faith in God brings me into union with Christ as I have eternal significance and worth. The fruits of the Spirit are love joy peace faith patience kindness goodness and self control. The purpose of my past was to transform me into the likeness and image of Christ. This happens when I let go and trust God or have faith in God.
I Am Accepted and Have Worth In Christ
I am nobody special in the worldly sense of the term. But in dying to self and coming to faith in Christ I have eternal significance. I am special to God. His love is a holy love. Holy means to be set apart (special). I don’t earn my worth but it is a gift of God received by faith. My sense of belonging and sense that I count comes from being a child of God. The ego is nothing. The paradox is that we are set apart and special because we are united to all. We are light in a dark world. What the world considers special God doesn’t. What God considers special the world doesn’t. When I’m nobody I’m somebody. When I’m somebody I’m nobody. We become nobody so that Christ will be glorified in us - our true self. In and of myself I’m nothing so that Christ can reign in my heart. I’m covered and infused in God’s righteousness. Therefore, I have intrinsic worth because I’m in Christ. Everything I have; family, friends, possessions, health, all comes from my heavenly Father (Job 1:21). Knowing this, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13). I am “fearfully and wonderfully” made (Psalm 139:14). In Christ, I have my true identity, apart from Him, I am nothing (John 15:5).