After the whole Rob Bell fiasco, and all the wolf-calling, heresy howling, and in general plain ugliness of the “orthodox Christian” community. I’ve found myself more and more afraid to ever set foot in any ministerial position, should God even call me to it.
I pray often telling God in my heart that I am not happy with the idea of being called to be a minister (loose sense of the word) because I see nothing but trouble ahead, for both me and my future family. I look and I see people who genuinely wish to do good for the Kingdom, being ripped apart and demonised by the “true Christians” - being called devils, deceivers, wolves in sheep’s clothing, people with evil agendas, people trying to push the flock of God into Hell, and otherwise wicked people…even personal insults, like those who call Rob Bell a closet homosexual because of the way he dresses. (just pulling examples from youtube comments I saw during the whole thing) — and it isn’t just him. Its everyone who dares to have public ministry!
I can’t put it into effective words. It is like I see the whole world of Christendom doing their darned best to strip another human being of not only their Christianity, but of their very human dignity as well. All under the premise that they are “Christians who must protect the sheep from wolves in sheep’s clothing” - but in doing so, must they become the very demons they so claim to dispel? There are false teachers in the world, this is assured. But I can’t help but feel that its just plain ludicrous the amount of “HERESY!” people call, when there is no real call for it.
The worst of it all…is that as a young man, I feel as though the whole world is poised to crucify me right along side Jesus, simply for believing in Jesus even as they claim to believe in Jesus too. And I am afraid to go out and meet the cross they grinningly have prepared for me, and the worst of my fear, my family also (as I believe God will provide me a family). One might say “but it is an honour to be crucified like Jesus!” - yet I say all the more, nails do not tickle the senses so readily…
I do not want my children, and wife, to be harassed as I would be.
I dread the idea of being a minister, because I can already see the conflict and the railing accusations that will be put on me, the damnation they will throw at me, the evil they will do to me, my ministry, and perhaps even my own family. It is my family yet to come I fear for the most.
I feel as though; “If I do not buy from the company store, the company shall murder me, my children, my wife, and my ministry.” It is my own brothers who make me not want to do anything for the Kingdom.
I even feel bad for being afraid.
They make me want only to do my worship in solitude. Like a monk or a hermit. But I know I’d never be happy with that. It is the limbo of agony, between wanting to bless the whole world! But knowing that the religious world will only crucify you for it, just like your Eldest Brother was crucified.