So I’ve been on this forum for the past 6 months or so and have really gotten a lot out of reading what you all have posted. Lately I’ve been feeling quite vulnerable with life and my pursuit of finding my way to God so I think its a good a time as any to give some of my story and why I’ve been a bit deflated.
So Im a 21 year old male attending university in Brisbane, Australia. Im in my fourth year studying exercise and nutrition sciences and I really see myself delving into something with health (physiotherapy or para-medicine) after this degree is over. I don’t see myself as very smart, and I do have to work quite hard to get a mediocre outcome. This is slowly changing as I’ve found a lot of passion in areas such as anatomy and therefore work much harder.
I grew up in a Catholic household which really shaped who I have become over the years. I can honestly say that without that background I would not be where I am today in regards to my desire to find Truth. Within Catholicism I saw a lot of problems in doctrine and so that really drove me to change my beliefs and in turn, get closer to God. When I first went to university I sort of got inducted into an evangelical circle and started attending their church (I didn’t realise it was an evangelical group until almost 2 years later as evangelicals are sneaky like that). I met a lot of my good friends there and do consider it a good thing that I was part of the group (like with Catholicism, I wouldn’t be where I’m at in my desire for Truth if it weren’t for that).
Last year I decided that I no longer believe in Hell so that was a very big turning point in my faith and I really started to question other big Christian doctrines because of it. As I got further into this weird situation of exploring Truth and keeping my relationships with Christian friends, it has been really hard to find a good group of people (not to mention trying to find a girlfriend) who have similar views as I do. I feel like Im constantly just lying to my Christian friends as to not look like a heretic or a nutter. It is very hard to actually discuss things within the church as people aren’t open to ideas and viewpoints - I’ve recently realised how legalistic it really is. As a side note - In my theology Im exploring a more Hebraic perspective as I believe it holds better to scrutiny. I’m finding more and more that the beliefs I used to hold so close to my heart are just being removed. I feel like as I constantly try and find who I am as a person and what my beliefs are, I get further away from whatever it is.
One of the main reasons for why I’ve been upset lately has been because of my pursuit to try and find a partner. At the age of 21 I’ve never had a girlfriend so it has been a bit demoralising for me. I thought that I would go for a nice, good looking Christian girl and that would be that. But as I get further into Theology, I feel like I would just be lying to whomever Im with. As a result, Im really not sure what I want anymore. I would however like to share my life and find a deep relationship with someone. I very recently started to venture in online dating due to my circumstances but Im scared of whether I should date a non-christian or not and what that would really look like in my day to day life. I don’t expect there to be anyone who’s deep into theology, but I do want someone who would be interested in learning about God. I realise that in the grand scheme of things I am quite young and there’s plenty of time but I just feel like God has really turned my world upside down and I’m not sure what to do.
Would be great to get some advice on the matter.
Thanks for the help