They’re not as bad as they use to be. It use to be real bad. It kept me in bondage for along time. They use to always talk bad about medication. I was so paranoid and self-conscious I couldn’t look anybody in the eye or communicate with them. I couldn’t relate. It’s like the fears just kept building and building until I had my psychotic break. It happened when I got into an argument with Dr. Hugh Ross on the radio. I snapped and I just went off and started preaching about everything from time to eternity. When I got off the phone my mind was racing a thousand miles an hour. I couldn’t stop thinking about what I said to him on the radio. I was up for three days. I would pace the floor and then get in the shower and then pace the floor and then get in the shower again over and over. I finally went over to the radio and turned it on. It seemed as though the people on the radio were repeating what I had said to Dr. Ross. I thought I had started a revival. It freaked me out so I turned the radio off and went and laid down. My mind was spinning. It’s like I could see in my mind all these golden beams of light with the word of God flowing through them. I got up and turned the radio on and a person said: “this Christian could be in serious danger.” I thought they were talking about me. I turned the radio off and my grandma came in the room. I tried to tell her what was going on. And then she mentioned something about George Bush being worried about the time. So I thought this revival has gotten all the way to George Bush. Pretty soon the Government was coming after me. I called my mom and told her the Government was coming after me and she needed to come get me. She came got me and took me to the hospital where they diagnosed me. I can’t really remember much at the hospital. I couldn’t make much sense when I talked. If you want to know how I arrived at my belief in God today here it is:
experience
studying arguments for and against God’s existence
Faith
cognitive behavioral therapy
reading
creative arts therapy
psychotherapy
medication
AA/NA meetings
The twelve steps
I’m doing the best I ever have my entire life.