For me it was a revelation that came over a period of several years, a vision, 2 encouters with the Word as I read, and finally meditating for about 3 months on one verse, “all my righteousness is as filthy rags.” In the first vision I was in a body, not my own, looking through the eyes of that body at the body’s right hand which had been cut off the arm and was lying on the ground. A clear tube of blood was coming from somewhere over my, the body’s head and was pumping blood into the hand, which flowed out of the veins onto the ground making a bloody muddy mess. It was a horific site. And the Lord spoke to me and said that my pride had cut me off from the body of Christ. It broke my heart. I repented, asked forgiveness and saw the left hand pick up the right hand and attach it back to the body. After the left hand passed over the wound, the right hand was fully attached, no bleeding, and even no scar. I was humbled, to say the least.
Some months later I was reading the 7 woes to the Pharisees in Mt. 23 and the Lord spoke to me at one point and said, “That’s the way you are.” And I understood that several of the attitudes of the Pharisees that He was condemning, I still had. For example, much of what I did, my acts of goodness and kindness were partly motivated by the desire to be respected by others. Selfishness polluted my good works. At this revelation I cried for two weeks.
And then several months later I was reading the parable of the talents. After reading the judgment of the unfaithful servant, the Lord spoke to me and said, “That’s the way you are, except I’ve given you 10 talents.” As I meditated on this Word and this passage, the Lord revealed that not only was I selfish and Lazy, but that my beliefs concerning God were warped which produced in me paralyzing fear. This revelation changed me for the good.
A couple of years later, while in seminary, a scripture kept coming to mind. For about 3 months, I’d find myself unconsciously pondering the passage which says that “all my righteousness is as filthy rags.” I thought I understood the passage, but I didn’t until one day when the Lord showed me that everything about me was polluted with selfishness, even my love for my wife and children. And I realized the depth of the pollution. It was like taking good clean water and crapping and peeing in it, making it just plain ole nasty.
So, everything about me was unclean, nasty. This revelation turned out to be very liberating. I accepted that I’m a mess and there is nothing I can do about it. And everyone I know is a mess and yet God loves us all. I stopped focusing on or worrying about my nastyness or anyone elses. I stopped trying to be perfect and just focused on the Perfect One. And I stopped being so negative towards others, especially other Christians. The truth of the passage was very humbling and yet very liberating.
Well, that was some 19 years ago, but it wasn’t until about 3 years ago that I began seeing UR as even a possibility. I suppose, personally encountering the judgment of God and realizing just how much of a mess I am and how great His love and forgiveness is set me up to be open to UR. I figure if God can save me, the worst sinner I know, He can save anyone. I realized that salvation is completely an act of God, that it’s only through being saved from slavery to sin that we can even choose to not sin. I realized that I really have never sought after God, but He sought me. I didn’t choose Him, but He chose me. These revelations changed me. The lights came on and the darkness was gone.
So when I started seeing that scripture does not affirm ECT, but does repeatedlly affirm UR, well, I could understand how that could be because I realized fully that Jesus saved me inspite of myself. If He can save me through judgment, and all are judged, then all shall be saved.
You have blessed me.