The Evangelical Universalist Forum

How I Shared My Testimony With A YouTube Commenter

Today I got this comment from a guy (or gal, not sure) named Sidney, in response to one of my early videos on YouTube (which I’ve attached at the bottom here if you want to see for yourself):

God created us to torture us, to kick us when we are down, to pull the rug out from under us.

He calls that good.

He calls that glory.

His shills call that free will.

And here was my response:

Sidney, I actually totally understand where you’re coming from.

For a number of years I struggled with many doubts, which you voice here (and you should feel free to voice them here) sometimes full of fear, sometimes full of rage, in agony because of all the inner turmoil.

My view of God was very Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde for a long time.

One minute I would see God as all loving and completely trustworthy, and the next as a monster and a tyrant…

Even when I made this video a couple years ago I was still in the midst of that up and down place, trying to find meaning and hope.

For me I really was saying ‘MAYBE there is a loving God’.

Much of my fear and doubt came from trying to accept the traditional teaching on hell, or eternal damnation.

I could never understand how the idea of God throwing some, or even most, people who have ever lived into a brutal and never-ending prison jelled with the claim that God is love…

But I thought I had to accept it in some form or another, whether it was something that God chose for people or something God allowed people to choose for themselves, because that’s basically what my church taught and what the Bible seemed to teach.

I didn’t like it at all, but I tried to accept it, understand it, because I thought that I had no choice in the matter. It was just a fact and I had to deal with it.

And so I wrestled. Many times I beat myself up, would even physically hurt myself, because of all the turmoil inside.

I would scream angry accusations at and curse God until my voice was hoarse. I shed many tears. It was, for lack of a better word, hell.

When you feel as though you cannot trust your Creator, trust the Source of your very
existence, it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under us, as you mentioned…

So at the time when I was making this video, it was during a time in my life when much of the time I was looking for solid ground. I wanted to believe in something worth believing in, wanted to believe that I could be part of a cure instead of part of a disease, that love was real and would win out in the end, that somehow everything would be okay…

I wanted to believe that I could trust God, and not only with my own life and future, but also the lives and futures of family and friends, and even all people, throughout the world and all time… I held onto hope, looking for light in the midst of a lot of darkness…

The strange thing was that in my own life experience, I saw much evidence of God’s goodness and love and trustworthiness…

There were things I couldn’t explain, miracles you might say, that showed that God was real and that I was loved and understood.

But the message of much of the church and much of the Bible (or at least the Bible as I understood it at the time) seemed to contradict these experiences, which brought me much confusion and frustration…

But much has changed since then, and since I made this video…
I’ve come to reject the traditional take on hell and damnation, after looking deeply into and studying what’s called universal restoration, which is the belief and hope that all people, throughout the world and throughout time, will be reconciled with God in the end.

It’s basically the belief and the hope that God does in fact love everyone, and won’t give up on anyone.

I found that there are loads of passages in the Bible, which I hadn’t really paid attention to before, because I was so focused on the things that scared and confused me, which support this hope, and found that it makes more sense logically, and also was more in tune with my own experience.

I left my church soon after coming to embrace this hope, because their stance is that it is heresy, sadly, and many conservative churches, and Christians, feel the same way about it.

Since then though I have connected with many wonderful people who share this same hope, and I’m coming to understand that even those don’t share it are my brothers and my sisters even so…

My family and my friends have been fairly receptive of it, and I’m thankful for that, and was encouraged to find that my fiancee held that hope in her heart all along, so now it is a hope that we share.

But anyways, though having this hope may make me a heretic or some other such ugly label in the eyes of some, it has changed me in a number of ways.

I’m more open-minded now, because I know I can be wrong about things, and I’m not as afraid to be myself.

I don’t have anything against gays (in fact, two of my closest friends are gay), and though I don’t agree with abortion, I’m not going to protest angrily about it in the streets. I’m fairly liberal in many of my views, and open to exploring and listening to other worldviews.
I’m not afraid of Harry Potter or R rated movies.

In other words, I’m not the stereotypical evangelical Christian that you hear about
everyday in the media.

And I no longer believe that God is a tyrant or a monster, nor do I believe that we are all sinners in the hands of an angry God, and I don’t try to excuse the idea of everlasting hell by saying that it’s our choice, or that hell is locked from the inside, or any of that…

I just flat out don’t believe that God is like that, or any such thing is even so. There is hell enough here on earth, and I’m sure God is wise enough to figure out a way to straighten out all the people who need to be straightened out, and for their own good, just as a loving parent would correct their child.

No longer do I feel like saying ‘is this as good as it gets?’ or ‘how is that glorious?’ as
I’m sure you’ve asked as well.

Now I have greater hope.

I disagree with a number of the teachings you would find in many churches today, and my take on the Bible is different now, more open-ended.

And I feel like I’m in the process of discovering who I really am, and who God really is, and what life is really all about. And I believe it has a lot to do with love.

And I am trying to take Walt Whitman’s advice:

“Re-examine all you have been told…
Dismiss what insults your Soul.”

We should never be afraid to ask questions…

Nor should we be afraid of embracing greater hope, even if others may think us crazy or deluded for doing so, even if others may label you with names like heretic, because you dare to believe that there really is good news, and not just for a few, but for all people.

I still believe in Jesus, and believe he came to show God’s love, and God’s justice too,
but these are intertwined.

Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other.

I believe that life is more than anything about relationship, with God and with one another, and learning how to love and how to be loved, and learning how to trust, and I believe that in the end, in the words of Julian of Norwich:

All will be well, and all manner of things shall be well…

I know you probably weren’t expecting this kind of response, nor one so long, but hey, I felt the need to pour my heart out here, because I know where you’re coming from with what you said, and just wanted to let you know that there can be another way of looking at things, another way of looking at God and at life.

We don’t have to leave in fear or bitterness, we can live in hope instead. If you want to hear a little about my journey, check out my live video, Changes and Hope…

Or feel free to message me and we can talk about.

May you be blessed, and may God show you that he is there, for you and for everyone, and that he is not a monster or a tyrant, but a loving Father, and a King who understands all people, and walks with them, and shares in their pain and struggle, whether they know it or not, and will lead them all home…

Peace

Matt

youtube.com/watch?v=UFN03IoQ4Xo

Wow. I didn’t realize YT allowed comments that long! :smiley:

Good reply, though.

:laughing: Matthew

You are the king of the long comment. But it was very, very good. Well done.