The Evangelical Universalist Forum

I love God but I feel alone, different, sad.

Practices Christian Living
#1

Hey everyone, I’m almost 22 years old and I constantly feel alone. Maybe I’m just different, I don’t have a lot of friends… Actually, I don’t really have “friends” (just people I often talk to)… Almost everyone I know has a different view of the world compared to me. I work full time and I study full time too, I used to be pretty popular in high school, you know, living in the “WORLD” and doing “fun” stuff.

That “fun” didn’t last long, after I graduated high school I started to get my life together, I started college, got a job in my area (IT). I love God with all my heart (I know Him since my early years)… This year has been difficult for me, I had a pretty serious UTI, I was peeing blood and stuff, pretty bad, thank God I healed and everything is good now (in that area). A few months ago some doctors told me I had to get a surgery because I suffer from chronic rhinitis and sinusitis.I opted for an Immunotherapy (I’m getting allergy shots 2 times per week), right now I’m doing better I’m praying for a full recovery without surgery…

Anyway, almost everyone at my age is just in college, “having fun” (going to parties, drinking, having sex, smoking, etc…) Good friends that used to be pretty focused on their goals, are now dating douche bags/slutty chicks, getting pregnant, doing drugs and I just feel like a weirdo. Like really, I won’t dance with the devil doing stuff like that, because as they say, “a dance with the devil may last forever” and I don’t want that, I try to take care of my soul, even if I’m a sinner, I’ve done a lot of stupid things, like loosing my virginity with my ex and then after we broke up we had sex again, to be honest, I enjoyed the moment but as soon as I finished, I felt like throwing up, I was disgusted with myself. Felt ashamed with God. I’m addicted to pornography too, so that’s bad, yeah.

I don’t really know why I wrote this, I just felt like venting, I feel so empty some times but I try so hard to be on the good path, I KNOW I have to be strong but I feel like I’m living under a rock, away from everyone. I’ve been thinking about training boxing (without fighting) maybe doing some exercise will help me with my mind.

Thanks for reading, any advice or comment will be apreciated.

God bless. One love.

#2

Hi OD,

Just try to take a deep breath and smell the roses. Look at the sunset more, and look at the stars. Contemplate and meditate on God. If you get drawn to the light (bulb), you will zap like a bug. You need to enjoy God’s light, not the superficial light of man’s adrenaline pumped limelight. You will find people here (or anywhere) that you will relate to, you just need to slow down and let God be God. Don’t put demands on God, or expectations that are just testing God. Slow down, brother. Everything is ok.

Steve

#3

I hope the venting helped! You’re not alone. Well, in a way, we’re all alone and have to come to terms with that. But at the same time, God is always with us, even when we seem to be isolated from human friendship. God is so close to us we’re often not even aware of His presence. Like Paul says in Acts 17, “He is not far from us for in Him we live and move and have our being.”

I suspect that loneliness can only truly be banished by growing closer to God – by searching for and encountering God we find joy, peace, life, hope, love, joy and all good things.

You are never alone,
Sonia

#4

Hi Overdose,
Glad to have you here and hopefully you’ll get some helpful advice. :slight_smile: Certainly sounds like a tough time for you right now. I can identify with much of what you’re going through. :frowning: It sounds like some friends would be be helpful and I think you’ll find that here. You might want to tell us a bit more about yourself (where you live, how you came to universalism or just this forum, what kind of christian fellowship you’re in, if any) in the “Introductions” section–It might be helpful.

Based on what you’ve written, it sounds as if you’re in “the wilderness” so to speak–between your old life and a new one. I think your idea of taking up boxing training is a good one. The physical aspects as well as the mental and psychological focus will help you forge the new life you need to create. Other activities/clubs etc would help as well, whether it’s a running club, gaming, or whatever. Find a group of people that share similar interests to you. If you’re in college now, there’s likely to be something to join and meet people and have some fun. If you’re not in any fellowship with other Christians your age, finding others you can actually meet and talk with would be a tremendous help, I think, (even if they’re not universalists). :wink:

As far as your old friends go…I’ll just say that whatever they tell you about their “fun” is undoubtedly a bit exaggerated. :wink: They’re humans just like you and you and have their own demons (which they won’t be telling you about). Trust me, all is not as “fun” as you might think. It may be important to distance yourself from them but that’s for you to decide.

Finally, (given the username you picked) I wonder if you might be clinically depressed? If you think you might be, see a physician. This is nothing to be ashamed of but if untreated, all the advice in the world is not going to be of help. Please, if that might be the case, get the help you need. I apologize if this doesn’t apply, but it’s important.

All the best,

Steve

#5

Hi, dear soul,

You are not alone. There is God, of course, who “will never leave you nor forsake you,” and many others who understand your sadness (I do, for starters). I think there are many people who, unknowingly, have great company in their loneliness.

I, too, am a college student, balancing school with work and the attempt to survive out in the “wilderness,” as Steve put it. Like you, I talk, but I never really “say” anything. And like you, I am not into partying, drinking, having sex, smoking, or other “typical” college things. Since most college conversation revolves around these topics, outsiders like us simply have nothing to add, it seems. And half of us yearns to take part in that fellowship, even if the very core of such fellowship repulses us.

Sometimes (okay, oftentimes), I feel like a weirdo, too.:slight_smile:

I am lucky that I commute to school and can return to a very loving home each night, but some days are absolutely miserable with loneliness. I can’t imagine how awful it must be, if you must endure for months what I feel for only a few hours.

I’m sorry that, on top of your loneliness, you bear shame from past mistakes. I think your past actions with your ex and your current addictions just point all the more to your lonely heart – a heart longing for human fellowship and God’s presence. As the Lord promised in Jeremiah 29:13: “If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.” And I think, in the way of our fallen, feeble human selves, actions like one-night-stands and sinful addictions ironically point to a heart seeking God. So recognize that while your heart longs for truth and love, your body has found itself in a deceptive paradise, a place that promises fullness while gradually depleting the soul of all that is good and pure and hopeful.

And take heart that God loves you no more or less now than He did the moment you were born, pure and innocent. His love is infinite, so no matter how far you feel, you cannot escape his everlasting, unfailing love.

I wish I could give you more advice, but all I can really say is that you are not alone – in an earthly sense or a divine one. There is a Heavenly Father who comprehends your every thought, and there are many other souls roaming about college campuses feeling just as lonely as you do. As you mentioned, exercise might help. Walking helps me greatly (I’m like Forrest Gump – I could just keep going and going and going! Run, Kate, run! :laughing: ) So does art and reading. As C.S. Lewis says, “We read to know we’re not alone.” And I hope reading some responses here has, at the very least, given you knowledge that you are not alone. :slight_smile:

Love and blessings,

Kate

P.S. I am sometimes lonely at school, but the feelings I described above were much more prevalent last year. I have since grown unexpectedly and profoundly happy despite the loneliness – something I would have deemed impossible this time last year. Even though I am just as “alone” on campus this year as last, I do not feel quite so alone anymore. Much of this has root in my renewed understanding of God’s love. There is hope, I promise.

P.S.S. If you need a chat, my inbox is always open.:slight_smile:

#6

I felt alone most of my life. I didn’t have but two friends in High School and I got into drugs and alcohol. I’ve also gotten counseling and go to AA/NA. That’s what helped me. There’s also some good churches out there with loving people in them. I also like to read and write poetry and little devotionals. It’s helped me find God’s presence. I was like you and there’s a lot more people out there than you might think that feel alone. So, you are not alone. You may also find a good gym where you can talk to people and work out. I like to hang out at book stores. Whatever you do stay away from drugs. It will make things worse. If you need to, pour out your feelings in writing on paper. Write about it and get it out and then let it go. Burn it. Take your feelings to God also. Tell Him how you feel. Get it out, relax, and then let it go. Find a trustworthy person you can talk to about how you feel. Look for the good in life. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Lighten up. Have fun. It will pass. It has for me. :smiley:

Here’s a good book you might try:

#7

Dear Soul, I can’t call you by the name you’ve given because none of us want THAT for you. But like Kate I want to offer you fellowship and kindness. This feeling of loneliness is almost endemic to first year college students. It feels hopeless and oh, painful, and unendurable. It will pass, and you have to look for that in hope as you hope for the sunrise. Really – I’m not trying to be poetic or anything. I mean it. You can hope for the sun to rise (whether you see it or not) with the sort of hope we read about in the Bible. It’s not the kind of wistful wishing we call hope, but the sort of hope that waits in full expectation of being fulfilled. This will pass. You will get used to being at the university, and next year will be much, much better.

Like the others have said, find some groups to be involved in. I’ve found Toastmasters to be especially helpful, and there’s likely one in your town if not right on campus. The quality of people you find at a group of that sort tends to be a little more serious and goal oriented. And no, you don’t have to speak, even though that’s the reason for the club. Eventually you’ll probably want to, and it’s a great way to improve your self-image and confidence. Google it. You’ll probably find one that meets nearby. Any club that attracts people more like yourself, who aren’t into the whole partying thing, would be good to try.

My tips for overcoming depression – eat well (that means veggies, whole grains, lean meats and stay AWAY from sugars, too much salt, too much caffeine, and of course alcohol and non-prescription drugs) – exercise, out in the sunshine if possible, but do get some time in the sun and take vitamin D especially in the winter – Go to bed before midnight and sleep well. Work hard all day and you’ll usually find it easy to sleep, but if not, my doctor recommended 5-HTP (get it from Drugstore.com) and that works well for me if I need it. – stay away from the porn even if it means only using your computer in the coffee shop; not just because it’s wrong, but because of what it does to your heart – Spend time with Father God every day, even if only sitting quietly and resting in His presence (whether you sense Him or not).

I put this separately because it’s so important. SMILE. It makes the people around you respond more favorably to you, and (yes, “they” have done studies on this) smiling actually lifts your mood. Looking at smiling faces lifts your mood. I noticed this myself in studying facial expressions for portrait drawing. You can’t draw a smiling face and not smile (well, I can’t). Unfortunately, I can’t draw a frowning or sad or angry face without feeling that way also. :unamused: Perhaps I’m a bit too easily influenced. But seriously SMILE. It will make you feel better if you can do it – even if you’re faking.

And feel free to hang out with us anytime you like. :smiley:

Love, Cindy

#8

Do you mean to say that being healthy and happy requires some effort? Oh noooooooo!!! :smiley:

S.

#9

Hi OD,

I don’t want this to sound condescending - please don’t take it this way - but I think you should look into some sort of counseling. I say this because you mentioned being 22, and I went through a deep, dark depression myself during my “tweens”. Interestingly enough, my little brother - though his life circumstances are very different from my own - is going through a very similar type of depression right now, and he is 22. I think there is something to the idea that there is genetics behind this - a chemical imbalance. This is not to say that there was nothing in either mine nor my brother’s life that contributed to a pile of reasons for depression - no, there were definitely reasons behind my depression besides hormones, and I think my brother would come up with reasons as well. But I want to encourage you to look into counseling because I think it can be helpful - and there’s no dishonor in it.

Additionally, if you can get into a meditation/contemplative prayer (just a fancy phrase for saying “Christian form of meditation”, really) group, I think that might be very helpful as well.

I hope you find peace!

#10

Hello OD

Welcome to the forum. You asked for advice, so I hope you won’t think me presumptuous in agreeing with others that one thing you should do is see a doctor. If you had cancer you’d be straight down the surgery; well, it ought to be no different with psychological or emotional problems or illnesses. I resisted getting onto medication for anxiety and depression for years, thinking it was somehow ‘not the done thing’ for a Christian - and even though there’s a history of mental illness in my family. Now I’m on medication I am much better.

My other piece of advice would be not to beat yourself up too much. We’ve all done - and continue to do - things we shouldn’t. But there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. And since Jesus died for all of us, while we were yet sinners, died to take away the sin of the world, you are and always were home free. God know you and loves you, “warts and all” as they say - and this from someone with more warts than a global warthog convention :smiley: .

All the best

Johnny

#11

Hello OD.

I think you might be suffering under a light depression. Maybe counselling could be of benefit to you.

Lovely greetings.

#12

In regards to addictions, I believe there is a free biblically based course that would be beneficial for you for many of the areas you are struggling with. It is called settingcaptivesfree.com/. Sign up for the course. It will challenge you, no doubt. You can read testimony over testimony of people overcoming their lower nature in many areas of their lives - Food, Drugs, Alcohol, Sexual Immorality.

#13

I was disgusted with myself. Felt ashamed with God. I’m addicted to pornography too, so that’s bad, yeah.

OD,
You know your friends may make it seem that these parties and sexcapades and drugs are so fun, but they are really not and they know it. Really you are not missing anything with avoiding that, in fact it’s a plus.
The pornography is going to effect how you relate to God , because you know it’s wrong and it will put distance between your spirit and God so try and think of a way to wean off it.
I’m sure you know the bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that you are precious in God’s heart. Jesus gave up his life for his sheep and his sheep know his voice. His voice matters most. Blessings to you brother.

#14

I was like that as well. You need to circumcise your heart. I suggest you refrain from evil activity and in solitude seek the true will of God. Do not trust what all of your pastors or teachers say, search hard for the truth with all of your heart and as much as possible try to find it, and God will reward you for it. Spend your time away from miscellaneous activities and pray and search for reality. A lot of false teachers and such provoke and are in an illusion so something like this is not an easy fix. Once you pursue with all your heart God may give you a new heart and renew your mind, but it won’t be over. You will then go on a journey, and be taught by the Holy Spirit, you may also receive a spiritual gift according to the work of God (i,e Discerning of the spirit, healing, miraculous powers). I am also very lonely and sad because I feel like nobody in my environment (atleast most of the time, or that I am associated with) can relate to me. Best of luck to you. The fact that you do not want to engage in the debauchery of your associates is nice, endure hard & persevere because if you enter the way of sin you will die and the sinful path leads to hell but if you follow the way of the Lord Jesus then you will receive your salvation, but you will be persecuted for godliness (still much greater than the alternative, being filled with love is great). It is good that you feel as an alien, trust God and you will find the way, keep everything honored not as highly as Him in your heart and mind. May grace be with you. Amen.