The Evangelical Universalist Forum

I NEEd HelP!

Practices Christian Living
#1

I can usually work through these problems through prayer and waiting on God and I know He is going to work this out but I need some advise in the meantime.

I have attended the same church for the past 20 years, with the exception of about three years (5 years ago) when I helped a friend at his church as worship leader. I have been and still am very involved. About 6 months ago my wife of 25 years and my absolute best friend decided that she no longer wants to attend. She has started going back to the church where I led worship. This has put me in a position of trying to go to two different churches. I told my wife that I would tell our pastor and choir director (pastor’s wife) that I was going to leave to support her decision. My wife said that she doesn’t want to be the one blamed for me leaving, so if I give them that reason she will be angry with me. She is very adamant that I not say anything about her, but she wants me to leave. I can’t just walk away because I play guitar and lead worship. I feel it would be irresponsible to leave without saying anything. I have absolutely no reason to leave that does not involve my wife. To give any other reason to leave would be a lie.

Please Advise!

#2

From the perspective of Christian chivalry, my church is wherever my wife is. (Even if I don’t know where she is. :slight_smile: ) Doesn’t mean I agree with everything there, no more than that necessarily means I agree with her about everything.

I would take that route to present it as positively as possible – it isn’t about blaming her, it’s about honoring her.

I don’t understand why she wouldn’t be flattered and pleased to have it put like that, and putting it like that ought to keep your current church from blaming her.

You might just have to say, though, something like, "I have to give them a true reason for following you instead of staying there, and the true reason is because I truly love and honor you, and I want them to know that. I can’t stop you being mad at me for doing so, but I’m not going to lie to them about how much I love you and how important you are. If they’re angry about that, too bad, although I think they’ll understand. If you’re angry about that, I’ll just have to bear it: you’re too important not to honor. :slight_smile: "

Giving her a flower while saying so might not hurt. :mrgreen:

#3

I went through something similar several years ago, leaving a fellowship that I was a key leader in because my wife’s needs were not being met. My wife was adamant about leaving though she didn’t leave until I did; it was actually only a few months. As I prayed about it I came to the conviction that for the spiritual health of my wife and marriage it was best that we leave, so that’s what I told the members of our fellowship, even asking them to pray for us as I made this decision.

If the leaders of your fellowship are watchful, they likely understand what’s going on without you explicitly stating such and should imo encourage you to put worshipping together and working together in a fellowship with your wife as a high priority.

On our last Sunday as “official” members of that fellowship, I was up early praying and asked the Lord why we were leaving the fellowship? I figured it was His will because of my wife’s increasing desire/need to leave, not because I felt the need to or even thought it was a good thing to do, in fact, inspite of my desire to stay (I loved being a leader there and knew that if we went to another congregation it would take years to grow into leadership again). Anyhow, in answer to my prayer, I received a vision of a gardiner cutting two large branches from a young tree so that the smaller branches had room to grow. And I also understood immediately that it had two interpretations that fit my life.

  1. The tree was the fellowship. My wife and I were being removed from it so that others had room to grow. If we stayed there it would actually hinder their growth and development. At the time I had two primary ministries, pastoral in managing the home fellowships and coordinating the missions outreach of the church. And the Lord even showed me two men who would be taking over these ministries when I left - which they did within 6 months of us leaving.

  2. I was the tree and the Lord was prunning back my pastoral and missions ministries and wanted me to grow in leading worship and evangelism. And in the new fellowship that we were planted in I grew tremendously in those areas.

Well, I hope that helps some way.
Blessings,
Sherman

#4

Thanks guys!