The Evangelical Universalist Forum

Marriage To Unbelievers


What are you thoughts of a Christian marrying(or wants to marry)an unbeliever?


I would never do it. My relationship with God is such a big part of my life, I couldn’t see myself who didn’t share my values.


Well, the first thing I did…was to put some keywords into Google. And on page 1, we get 2 answers - from a couple Calvinist sites. And a newspaper, telling us - why it might work:

Got Questions - What should a Christian do if he or she is married to an unbeliever?
CARM - Should a Christian date or marry an unbeliever?
Huffington Post - Why “Marrying Unbelievers” Can Work

You can also ask, if a Christian from one church body…should marry a Christian, from another church body?

Should a Roman Catholic marry an Eastern Orthodox member?
Should a die-hart Calvinist marry a universalist?
Should a Baptist marry a Lutheran?
What if 2 atheists marry. But one later becomes a Christian?

Some questions to ask.

How will the children be raised? I know for the Roman Catholic faith, the children should be raised Roman Catholic. I still think this applies.

Does the potential marriage partner, follow a strong set of philosophical or religious ethical values, that are compatible with yours? This is extremely important
Did you discuss this situation, with clergy members of your church. This is also extremely important.

If you don’t want to take these steps…then just do, what the 2 Calvinist sites - tell you to do. :wink:


My mother married a non-Christian, as did one of my sisters. Fortunately both of the men were intrinsically good men.

My sister said that in all her many years of marriage (she is now 92), she never saw her husband angry, nor did she ever hear him raise his voice with even a tinge of irritation. In the latter years of their marriage, he became a Christian. The only difference I saw in his behaviour after he became a Christian, was that he began to take communion, whereas he didn’t before. All of their children became Christians.

My father was also a good man. I saw him angry when something went wrong with his farm equipment, but I never saw him angry or raise his voice at my mother, myself, or any of my four siblings. He died from a bullet wound while hunting. As far as I know, he never became a Christian. I once heard his Christian sister press him to become a Chistian, and his reply was, “I just don’t have the faith.”


What are you thoughts of a Christian marrying(or wants to marry)an unbeliever?

According to Paul you’re not supposed to be unequally yoked. Also don’t marry expecting them to become a believer.


Paul doesn’t specify that the unequal yoke is specifically that of marriage. It probably includes marriage, but I suspect that it is much broader than that.


Well, maybe [size=150]God [/size]might have ordained union between you and a heathen:smiley: It may be his will to advance his kingdom as you would convert your lover to the understanding of His will. Isn’t that what Jesus did? :open_mouth:

I just can’t believe the craziness of this thinking…

My Gosh, when you meet someone in a bar :laughing: and are attracted to them is the first question you ask is… What are your theological standings?


My Gosh… People get angry and irritated. I just have to ask if you think that this is a symbol or sign that people are not or may not be Christians?


I have never gone to a bar, and none of the Christians of my acquaintance ever have. I question the Christianity of anyone who goes to bars in order to meet someone. And any who do, would probably not ask the person whether he or she is a Christian, since he or she would be embarrassed in such an environment to admit to being one.

“People” may get angry and irritated, but my sister strongly affirms that her husband with whom she lived for 69 years never did! My sister is an honest lady; I have no reason to doubt her.

No, at least not in this case. I don’t think the fact that my sister’s husband never got angry, indicated that he was always a Christian. There came a time when He became a Christian. He would have said so himself. Yet, according to my sister, she never saw him angry or irritated either before or after he became a Christian.

I know this is highly unusual. Certainly, I myself cannot lay claim to possessing a character such as my brother-in-law had.


If someone seems to be too good to be true, they probably are not. I don’t believe anyone anymore when it comes to testimony. Not that people are lieing, they just have deceived themselves. I have so many stories of catching people in their perfect bubbles that they claim, only to hang them with their own rope later.

That said, not getting angry or irritable would be very concerning to me. Not showing emotion is not a good thing.


No. I would say something like this. I brought some of my Zombie, P-Zombie, Holy Fool, Nerd and Geek friends - to this bar tonight. If we hang out together, do you mind - if I occasionally, hang out with them :question: :laughing:

And we should dedicate a song, to the bar - I hang out at:

In fact, one of my friends, just got a job - as the new bartender. Here he (or is that a she?) comes now. :laughing:


I say, “Not showing some emotions, such as anger, IS a good thing!”

I had a problem with anger in my youth. I was helped by James’ statement:

Whenever I felt anger arising in me, I repeated James statement. This helped me, not only not to express anger, but to overcome the anger itself. Although anger still rears its ugly head at time, the emotion of anger within me is now rare.



You are one interesting, rather likeable fellow. To clarify my former statement, as I am now at a computer, as opposed to my phone is that my doubting what people say does not necessarily mean that they are lying about it. Rather, I believe in most cases, these people are deceived as to the true nature of the situation. For example: My grandmother. Bless her heart. She loved her second husband, thought he could do no wrong, and hated her former husband. My father, having known both men in general agreed that the second man was probably morally better than the other, but far from perfect or completely upright. The ‘perfect’, the ‘man of her dreams’ was anything but, and my dad knew it. Was my grandmother lying when she told us all those stories? No, I do not believe that is the case. People have the ability to believe things despite opposing facts. Think about the battered women or wife, or any part of co-dependence behavior. These people have somehow adopted views that are completely opposite of reality.

The sad truth is that this happens in all facets of our lives and plagues religion altogether. That said, Paidion, I am thrilled to hear that you have mastered for the most part, your temperament. Though I have to wonder why you needed Christ for this… It seems to be your sister’s husband did this without Christ (because you yourself said he was a non-believer a portion of his life). I struggle with the idea that Christ leads us, unless you have taken a really liberal approach and believe that Christ is “The light that lighteth every man”, which, honestly, I can get behind. Because at this point, you can’t convince me that only Christianity the only way of knowing God. In fact, it might not even be the proper way to know him.

By the way, since I dropped into this thread and slightly derailed it, I’ll answer the OP’s question from a practical standpoint.

Is this talking about marriage primarily? No, not then. But today? Yes, in today’s society, for sure. Back in antiquity, women were property. Men ruled… It wasn’t a co-ruling event. Men were in charge and so nothing was unequally yoked, because the yoke was all on the man (rather, women, as they were properly/slaves)

Why practically speaking is this something that is important? Because when you have kids, deciding on how to raise them, what truths they should be taught, where they would go and spent their times, who they should date, should we allow “X”, etc… But this does not apply with religion only… If you have two very different life-views, raising kids will be hell on them, or, maybe not. Maybe it gives them a choice to see is Dad right or Mom? Still, much chaos could be averted, though after typing this out, I am not sure it is all bad…

Full disclosure: Me and my wife were both believers on the same page. About the time my son was born, I started doubting some of the major doctrines of the church/Christianity. At this point, I am not even sure I am a Christian anymore. Even my faith in God is waning to the point where I stand behind my post a few months ago (I may bump it will an update here). Thank Jesus that he didn’t condemn Thomas, who refused to believe what others said about him… I hope, if Christ was indeed resurrected, that he would understand my doubts, both in what he said and give the same grace he showed Thomas. That is about the only fair thing God could do… I wish I could get rid of my petty ideas about God that I have been raised with. But that is a post for a different thread.