Premarital Sex


This is not a thread on adultery. No strawmen please. My position is that any sex that abuses Power, breaks a Promise, or even insinuates Prevarication (lying, but it starts with a P) is wrong.

I’m currently engaged to be married. Once my fiancée and I determined that we would eventually marry we became sexually intimate. I personally have never had a sexual relationship other than this truly pre-marital sex.

I feel sex creates an intimacy so intense that to engage in it outside a committed relationship does violence to your soul - “sears your conscience” as well as your ability to develop intimacy. If you attach in such an intimate way, only to rend that attachment, I can’t see how that isn’t desensitizing and ultimately damaging.

That said, I am technically having sex before our public affirmation of marriage (in June, thanks for asking!). So some may condemn that. My conscience is at peace with our having made the commitment to each other and to God, and “waiting” felt more like “torture”.

Other views on two people who are not in a committed relationship with each other (or anyone else) having sex? Victimless?


Being a virgin, my views might not carry much weight.

But if I might offer this; what is marriage? Is it the union of two hearts? Or is it when your church and government decide that its okay for you two to have sex in the intimacy and privacy of your own home?

If it is the union of two hearts, and marriage is more than just a piece of paper signed by the pastor and government authority; then I would almost be inclined to believe you two are already married. I am not promoting liberalism or “hippie sex freedom yay!!! screw the tree and whoever you please!!!” But rather putting it back into perspective with a question. Are you married when you and your wife say you are married, and give your hearts to one another before the Lord your God? Or are you married when your pastor and government say you’re married? From whom does Marriage come? God, Church, or State?

If it is God; then it is Love who determines when two are one. If it is Church or State; how violent, no wonder marriage will be dissolved in the Resurrection.

But then, I believe “marriage” as far as a legal institution should be dissolved anyway. It is nothing more than a civil union for tax purposes and power of attorney as far as the government is concerned. As far as the Church, is it really up to them? I don’t like the idea of a congregation meddling with my heart, I rail against such a thing. It is this sort of marriage I believe Jesus was referring to when he said in paraphrase “it ain’t happening” in the Resurrection.

Marriage as far as the true-love union of two hearts into one; I believe that is eternal in the literal sense of the word, never to be broken as long as the love lasts, and that it is something that is formed between those two hearts naturally without paper or seal of approval from Church or State; it is a God ordained ministry, handled by God, ministered by God, witnessed by God, and dealt forth by God, and presided over by God. Adam and Eve where married by no church or state, by God alone where their hearts made one. It is this sort of marriage that I might be inclined to think is the true-form of it which deals with Love, rather than Ceremony.

I’d also like to point out that Jesus is the Resurrection, Christians are in Jesus now, and so they are in the Resurrection now (though an event of it will also manifest later, I’m just making a point); and so if you are not given in marriage or you do not marry being in the Resurrection; being in Jesus, then perhaps marriage as far as it concerns you and your fiance is not marriage as it pertains to “marriage via Church/State/Family/Ceremony”, but rather marriage as it deals with “God/Love/Hearts”?

Perhaps it is not church or state or family which determines who marries who, and who is married now; but God?

Just speculations.

If you’ve already had sex it isn’t like you can take it back, and if you’re already married in heart you may as well be married in the rest of you. A piece of paper and vows are formality, especially with the way people treat marriage these days…Rarely do people seem to actually take the vows seriously. Bless those who do, I believe Marriage should be restored to its beautiful ideals. But I would like to say this;

“The life of a marriage begins at conception, not at birth”

If you are one with your mate, then you are married before God as far as I could be concerned. But then, I am not sure myself…this is an area of grey for me. I certainly believe the ceremony is important, and having the church and family behind it is definitely a good idea, at least to avoid conflict for the sake of peace, and keeping her “honest”; but I think the heart comes before the vows in the same way that love comes before the marriage and spirit comes before the letter.


I think as a virgin your views carry extra weight. I have to meditate on your wieghty post, but yes, we consider ourselves married before God and we consider the wedding a wonderful social and societal celebration (say that five times fast) of our commitment to one another. I believe that and we are living that, but I recogmkze it’s also “convenient” as the Church Lady would say. … nCZxLvYXI8


Then I would say the matter before God is settled, at least as far as practicality goes. If anyone frowns upon you because you haven’t had the ceremony in a building in front of a man, before a witness of congregation; it is more or less their own problem. Let them judge themselves if they are sinless enough to stone you and your wife.

If I recall correctly, Isaac and Rebecca did not have a ceremony, per’se. I could be wrong but that is something to look up for one who has time. He simply took her into a tent, and…took her in a tent… :blush: Lo and behold, married they were.

Marriage has its ceremony, but marriage traditionally; as far as the practical side of things minus all the blessings and the party was basically achieved via this; “You and a girl start to live together, and don’t cease living together as a family.” And…of course there was more to it than just that, I’m trying to make a point is all. lol.

PS: I don’t think your link works. You might want to fix it lol. (I don’t see the video anyway) :laughing: