Or as a friend says to me - some days are not worth chewing through the restraints.
So here are two pictures that are dwelling in my mind simultaneously:
-My brother-in-law’s church - (Stan - he’s the pastor) - needed $450,000 to fix the roof of their sanctuary; they are forbidden by City ordinance to use the church until the roof is repaired. So he shares that information with the congregation (250 souls) on a Sunday, hoping to get at least enough to start the job, and by the next Sunday, he has the entire amount. God’s blessing, no doubt.
-News stories about Hamas using women and children for human shields. Bastards.
In my mind I see the 450 thousandth dollar entering a collection plate, with the attendant feelings of thankfulness and awe, and then, simultaneously, bodies of children exploding.
Some days, I cannot deal with the dissonance. I can wrap myself in a pious, self-contained theological system, but only for so long, and then ‘reality’ sets in - real reality, not a mental construal of reality. Not a theory about ‘reality’.
Some days, I’d just as soon let it all fade to black. Just accept that we are like the ‘grass of the field’.
There are more eloquent ways of saying it -
Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.
Well that is perhaps over-dramatic. I do know that love is not an illusion, nor is joy, nor is light. But the rest of that poem feels damned real to me.