As I was journaling yesterday, a thought came to me. Before I go into this thought, I’ll just say that I have had a rather dry spell in my life lately. These seem to happen every so often, where I start to doubt not God’s existence, but his presence. Of course, I carry on and eventually these feelings pass. But, I did want to speak on one that I always come back too: Why doesn’t God speak to us in our own language?
We have five senses in this world
Yet God has chosen NOT to communicate with us based on those senses. Sure, God sent Jesus Christ who was a man, but that was short lived time period in history. Regardless of the fact that was resurrected, he doesn’t walk on this earth and talk to people. All of this I can accept… But when people talk of the physical resurrection, I ask: Why? If God doesn’t talk to us in the physical realm, with the physical attributes we possess (our five senses) what is the point of a physical resurrection? We still will not be able to commune with God.
More than anything in life, my deepest desire is to commune with God. To see God. To hear from God. But If am honest, and stop drinking the kool-aide, the fact of the matter is that I don’t really hear God. Sure, I might ponder over a verse of topic and gain insight, but who is the say that isn’t just my brain working this out? That said, I know for a fact that God has at least done miraculous things in my life - too many coincidences that are just beyond sheer luck. However, that doesn’t mean I commune with God in the same way that I commune with my wife or kids.
We are assured that God is closer to us than any human being, and yet, don’t have the type of relationship with God that shows evidence of this fact. Having to quiet your mind for hours in meditation to be able to ‘hear’ God in some cryptic manner that could just be an over-active imagination at work is, to me, disingenuous. Even more than that, it really can make one stop and think “What kind of God creates a world full of physical interaction and yet fails to interact with these creatures whom he supposedly loves with all of his being…” Look, I can chose to drink the kool-aide and claim all these things God tells me. But I guess I am too honest for that. I don’t believe for a second anyone who tells me that God talks to them regularly. I think people have made it true in their minds by wanting it to be true.
Now, I am sorry if that means I am calling anyone out who believes in two way communication with God. That isn’t my intent. Besides the standard for truth isn’t whether I believe you or not. I am merely trying to see why a physical resurrection is worth a damn when God doesn’t communicate with us on a physical level. If we are to be human, we will have human limitations. If there are billions of people in heaven physically, that means none of us will have access to Christ himself very often. So our entire hearts desire - to know God intimately makes no sense in a physical world.
Of course, then there is the entire concept of God making himself hard to find. He created us, right? Yet he made it so that we seek out love everywhere except him, but which we only find him by listening to others who tell us about him? If God is love, wouldn’t he keep communication easy and open? Not cryptic and ambiguous? Gosh, I can see why people are agnostic. Who the heck can honestly say and believe that God makes himself known and knowable while most of humanity is off killing themselves pursuing the wrong gods (alcohol, drugs, sex, food, money, etc…)? Now, I still have faith. I still believe in Christ, but i have some serious doubts. I don’t come here to have anyone remove the doubts, I am certainly not looking for that, as I doubt anything anyone says could change my mind on what I have experience and observed of this world. I just don’t believe God is knowable beyond his attributes which are beautiful in and of themselves… It is just that it still leaves a void in the heart of someone who wants to see their creator face to face. In other words, this is “hope deferred” and the Bible says “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”… Well, I guess my heart is sick, for now.