Written by the TEDx Speaker & Award-winning creative: Amples Regiani
Are you sure that hatred is evil? Since ancient Greece, the concept of hatred has been lowered, ignored, belittled, undervalued and sometimes even demonized. And its power minimized, underestimated and diminished, from Aristotle to Descartes all philosophers have interpreted it as something negative, defining it as “The desire for the annihilation of an object and have considered it incurable over time”.The logic is straightforward: if love is good and hate is the opposite of love, then hatred is bad.At first glance it is evident. In ‘The Power of Hate’ we will review History and enter an exciting journey through some of the most brilliant minds of humanity to discover that hate, a feeling cursed through the centuries, is the ultimate powerful engine for human overcoming.Understand and learn how great personalities used hate as fuel to achieve the impossible, reviewing the analysis and practical exercises of each chapter:
Ferruccio Lamborghini
Jack Ma
Michael Jordan
Reed Hastings
Steve Jobs
Mike Tyson
La Madre Teresa
Cristiano Ronaldo
Elon Musk
Rudolf & Adolf Dassler
Lance Armstrong
Madonna Ciccone
Join me in this short but intense story in which you will understand the capacity of hate to serve as a powerful tool of motivation, capable of decisively changing our lives.
The weird thing about self-esteem is how little connection it bears to reality. Many burglars and murderers feel great about themselves. Yet many upstanding citizens whom a jury of sages would declare kind, wonderful, and worthy hate themselves. ~~ Anneli Rufus
The way I see it, is that each of us have Christ within. This is the True Self. Our true self is humble and compassionate love. When I focus on negative things all the time my world becomes one of negativity. But when I am grateful for the good in my life I have a different perspective. Understand, GOD OWES ME NOTHING. When I get into entitlement I am constantly angry, resentful, and frustrated. Entitlement is a LIE. A sense of entitlement undermines the ability to freely accept life’s blessings. As Bill Wilson and the professor of psychology, Robert Emmons, have realized, resentment comes from a perception of unfairness. No gift of grace will bring joy to a person who thinks they have the right to everything. Ingratitude is the natural offshoot of resentment. The ungrateful, envious, complaining one cripples himself. People without an attitude of entitlement are satisfied with what they have and are motivated instead of thinking life owes them. Being angry at an injustice because of a sense of entitlement is what drives mass shootings. This isn’t a mental illness like bipolar or schizophrenia. From the psychiatrist Amy Barnhorst M.D.:
Most cases of mass shooters aren’t driven by delusions or voices in their head. They are driven by a need to wield their power over another group. They are angry at the perceived injustices that have befallen them at the hands of others — women who wouldn’t sleep with them, fellow students who didn’t appreciate their talents, minorities enjoying rights that were once only the privilege of white men like them. It’s not an altered perception of reality that drives them; it’s entitlement, insecurity. Maybe some of them also have depression, ADHD, or anxiety, but that is not why they opened fire on a group of strangers…These entitled, rage-filled people can be extremely dangerous.
An article from “Psychology Today” showing that those with high self esteem (narcissists) are violent. It’s a myth that violent and aggressive people have low self esteem.
Quote from the article:
Although many people believe that aggressive and violent people have low self-esteem, they do not. Aggressive people tend to be narcissists. Narcissists think they are special people who deserve special treatment. When they don’t get the respect they think they are entitled to, narcissists lash out at others in an aggressive manner.
When I have a proper self-loathing my self-esteem lowers. When this happens it makes me more creative as I seek meaning in pain, it makes me more respectful as I esteem others as better than myself, it makes me more gentle because when I’m weak then I’m strong, it makes me more empathetic because I’ve suffered therefore I know, and it makes me a good listener because I would rather listen to others. It makes me more contemplative. Self loathing has given me gifts that I can keep.
Yes… given the usual standard understanding of “self-loathing” I think that term is overly harsh and can indeed lead to any amount of unnecessary and unhealthy mental distress, and so “humility” better conveys what Paul, for example, says here…
Rom 12:3For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.
Note: Paul does NOT say… not to think highly of one’s self, BUT simply — not more highly than one ought — thus giving room for humility.
It’s a proper self-loathing that leads to repentance. Not all self-loathing. When I’m inflated with high self esteem the shame is more intense when it happens. I don’t deny that shame spirals cause psychoses. That’s what caused mine. But there is a proper shame and guilt. Just as the Ph.D. in psychology describes here in “Psychology Today”. Feeling bad about yourself can lead you to change.
Quote from the article:
In other words, self-hatred is psychologically damaging but it can also make you more motivated to change.
If I don’t ever experience any shame or guilt I become the center of the universe where everything revolves around me. I’m not alone in this either. I just recently ordered a book called “letting go of shame” that agrees with and confirms my experience.
People who are shame deficient are emotionally immature. Something in their development has gone wrong. They are unable to find their proper place in the universe because the only place they know is center stage. They are disconnected without even knowing it. To put it simply, they need more shame in their lives…The message they tell the world is this: “I am the most important person ever born. You must give me all your love, time, and appreciation.” People who are shame deficient often believe they deserve special treatment just because they exist. They want to be placed on a pedestal where they can be worshipped and adored. They simply think it is obvious that they are better than anyone else. They are egotistical to the point of having no room to care about others.
We need to realize shame can have great value as long as we are not overwhelmed by it. The person who experiences shame becomes acutely aware of who he is and the boundary between himself and others. Carl Schneider writes in “Shame, Exposure and Privacy” that there would be no sense of privacy or intimacy without shame. Shame also promotes humanity, humility, and competence.
Dr. Ronald T. Potter-Efron is a clinical psychotherapist. He has a M.S.W from the University of Michigan and a Ph.D. in sociology from Purdue University. A former university professor, he specializes in the treatment of addictive disorders and anger and resentment counseling. He also is active in training professional counselors. He taught at an experimental college for eight years, and has trained in gestalt therapy techniques. Ronald is the author of Shame, Guilt and Alcoholism: Treatment Issues in Clinical Practice
From the psychiatrist David D. Burns, M.D. He’s a clinical psychiatrist sold over a million copies of books and has lectured for general audiences and mental health professionals throughout the country as well as a frequent guest on national radio and television programs. He’s received numerous awards including Distinguished Contribution to Psychology Through the Media Award from the Association of Applied and Preventive Psychology. A magna cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Amherst college, Dr. Burns received his medical degree from Stanford University School of Medicine.
A person can have too much self-esteem! A person with healthy self-esteem also respects and likes others. In contrast, a person with excessive self-esteem is arrogant and self-centered and disrespectful of others. In it’s most extreme form, excessive self-esteem is known as narcissistic personality disorder. People with this disorder have fantasies of grandeur and an inflated sense of self esteem. They are insensitive to the needs and feelings of others and exploit other people for their own purposes. When they are criticized or confronted, they react with rage or with feelings of shame. They have difficulties forming close, trusting, equal relationships with others. ~~ 10 Days To Self-esteem page 189
On the other hand, there is such a thing as healthy shame. Healthy shame lets us know that we have limits. We are not God. We have permission to make mistakes and be a human being. The freedom to make a mistake produces creativity, joy, hope and love! Peace and rest become real. We begin to experience self acceptance.
Furthermore, although persons should consider their own poverty and worthlessness, they should not be grieved or depressed, but rather they should feel happy and consoled; for You daily choose the humble and those who are despised by the world to be Your special friends and servants. ~~ Thomas A. Kempis - Roman Catholic Monk
More from the humble Catholic monk Thomas A. Kempis in “The Imitation of Christ”. Next to the Bible “The Imitation of Christ” is the most read book by humanity. It has helped millions:
But if they are firmly grounded in humility and filled with charity; if they seek purely the worship of God - looking upon themselves as nothing and sincerely despising themselves; and if they desire to be despised by others, then they may really hope that they have advanced spiritually and that in the end they will have the reward of God for all their labor.
I have often told you, and I repeat it again: forsake yourself and renounce yourself, and you shall enjoy great interior peace.
And just so everybody knows I’m schizoaffective (bipolar type) and I’m doing just fine with this. Properly used, hate can be good. From “Psychologist World”:
Hate by itself is the emotional dynamic of the ability to sustain long periods of concentration and meditation. It does not require an object to focus on (it mirrors pure love in this respect) ; it is a general-purpose tool for cutting positive attachments, especially in relationships (for example, pride in hate mode rejects another person, whereas hate by itself rejects any pleasant attachment to the other person). Hate produces clear thinking and strengthens a person’s will power. It supports the desire for solitude. It cools the mind and may easily be mistaken for a mild sense of peace. It is likely to be the prevailing mood when a meditator claims that they are no longer acting from a sense of ego. The skillful way of using hate is to clear the mind of redundant attachments and desires. https://www.psychologistworld.com/emotion/types-hate
Here’s an article on how a proper self hatred can save your life:
If God is love then He must hate evil. Things like racism, Nazism, mass shootings. There’s a healthy hatred of evil.
Well when I was fat and drinking I shouldn’t have felt good about myself. Hating what I had become lead me to make changes. I’ve lost 100 pounds and been clean and sober for years. My mind is also clear. I’m schizoaffective (bipolar type). Remember Jesus came for the sick not the well.
Yes, hating our unhealth is vital to changing it, but not contrary to valuing our life.
Many who loathe their own worth remain blindly paralyzed in their destructive habits, and don’t value themselves enough to pursue what is obviously healthier and happier.
God operates on mercy and grace not valuing. While we were sinners Christ died for us. Mercy stoops down to love the undeserving. We are to show mercy and grace on sinners. This isn’t the same thing as the love you describe as valuing. I was a worthless sinner when Christ died for me. This is showing grace not the “valuing” you speak of. We show mercy to the worthless. All is vanity for everything has been subjected to corruption. That doesn’t keep us from extending God’s grace though. Just as it doesn’t stop Him. We don’t deserve it but He gives it anyway. Grace doesn’t say, look how valuable YOU are. But look how valuable God is.
This is the way it happened for me. Mine was drugs and alcohol. I developed an intense hatred and dislike for myself and the way I was. As they say in AA/NA, I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. This was the motivating factor that caused me to let go of it for good. I’m repulsed by drugs and alcohol. I turn away from it now.
The 5 Stages of Alcoholism
Stage One – You’re drinking too much, but are so caught up in the lifestyle that you don’t truly recognize how much damage alcohol is causing in your life.
Stage Two – You’re beginning to feel depressed in a general way, but don’t necessarily pin the blame on alcohol. Instead you think you’re depressed over your marriage or your job, or something else in your life.
Stage Three – You’re getting sick and tired of wasting money, time and energy. This may turn into a self-hatred as you feel disgusted with the way your life is, and where you’re headed. You may constantly “wish” things would change, but have no concrete idea of how to MAKE things change.
Stage Four – You’re feeling sick and tired of being sick and tired. You recognize that SOMETHING has to change for your life to get better, and you finally realize that YOU are the one that will have to change it. You also finally recognize that, contrary to what you may have previously believed, alcohol doesn’t help drown your sorrows, but in fact CAUSES your sorrows.
Stage Five – You’ve HAD ENOUGH. You finally TAKE ACTION to reduce or eliminate the alcohol from your life.(see: Take Action to Overcome Alcoholism and Baby Steps to Sobriety)
A times when I’m thinking back I’ll say, that was stupid. I made an idiot out of myself. I’m not going to do that again. Or I’m glad I don’t do that anymore. It’s also a conviction when I do something wrong. It motivates me to repent and ask for forgiveness. Experience it then let go and flow.
Is that a “Yes”? Hating destructive things we do, and deciding I’m not going to do that again is healthy. I’m less sure that intensely hating the person himself who God made in his image is healthy.
If God is love then He must hate evil. Love protects. Love protects against child abuse, rapists, Hilters, racism, mass shootings, Terrorist bombers.
In this book, Robertson defends the morality of the emotion called “hatred,” which has been defined as an evil motivation and emotion over the last century.In Defense of Hatred argues that hatred is intrinsically and inextricably bound up with love, and that the eradication of one eventually means the erasure of the other. After defining and defending the emotion, Robertson advances a theory of “just hatred,” which attempts to alleviate some of the dangers that people have rightly identified in the emotion. In this way, this book defends passion and love from the nihilistic attack on hatred. An attack which is - almost without exception - launched in a cynical, hypocritical, and vicious manner, by those who have no intention of abandoning their own hatred.
It’s a proper self-loathing that leads to repentance. Not all self-loathing. When I’m inflated with high self esteem the shame is more intense when it happens. I don’t deny that shame spirals cause psychoses. That’s what caused mine. But there is a proper shame and guilt. Just as the Ph.D. in psychology describes here in “Psychology Today”. Feeling bad about yourself can lead you to change.
Quote from the article:
In other words, self-hatred is psychologically damaging but it can also make you more motivated to change.
If I don’t ever experience any shame or guilt I become the center of the universe where everything revolves around me. I’m not alone in this either. I just recently ordered a book called “letting go of shame” that agrees with and confirms my experience.
People who are shame deficient are emotionally immature. Something in their development has gone wrong. They are unable to find their proper place in the universe because the only place they know is center stage. They are disconnected without even knowing it. To put it simply, they need more shame in their lives…The message they tell the world is this: “I am the most important person ever born. You must give me all your love, time, and appreciation.” People who are shame deficient often believe they deserve special treatment just because they exist. They want to be placed on a pedestal where they can be worshipped and adored. They simply think it is obvious that they are better than anyone else. They are egotistical to the point of having no room to care about others.
We need to realize shame can have great value as long as we are not overwhelmed by it. The person who experiences shame becomes acutely aware of who he is and the boundary between himself and others. Carl Schneider writes in “Shame, Exposure and Privacy” that there would be no sense of privacy or intimacy without shame. Shame also promotes humanity, humility, and competence.
Dr. Ronald T. Potter-Efron is a clinical psychotherapist. He has a M.S.W from the University of Michigan and a Ph.D. in sociology from Purdue University. A former university professor, he specializes in the treatment of addictive disorders and anger and resentment counseling. He also is active in training professional counselors. He taught at an experimental college for eight years, and has trained in gestalt therapy techniques. Ronald is the author of Shame, Guilt and Alcoholism: Treatment Issues in Clinical Practice
From the psychiatrist David D. Burns, M.D. He’s a clinical psychiatrist sold over a million copies of books and has lectured for general audiences and mental health professionals throughout the country as well as a frequent guest on national radio and television programs. He’s received numerous awards including Distinguished Contribution to Psychology Through the Media Award from the Association of Applied and Preventive Psychology. A magna cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa graduate of Amherst college, Dr. Burns received his medical degree from Stanford University School of Medicine.
A person can have too much self-esteem! A person with healthy self-esteem also respects and likes others. In contrast, a person with excessive self-esteem is arrogant and self-centered and disrespectful of others. In it’s most extreme form, excessive self-esteem is known as narcissistic personality disorder. People with this disorder have fantasies of grandeur and an inflated sense of self esteem. They are insensitive to the needs and feelings of others and exploit other people for their own purposes. When they are criticized or confronted, they react with rage or with feelings of shame. They have difficulties forming close, trusting, equal relationships with others. ~~ 10 Days To Self-esteem page 189
On the other hand, there is such a thing as healthy shame. Healthy shame lets us know that we have limits. We are not God. We have permission to make mistakes and be a human being. The freedom to make a mistake produces creativity, joy, hope and love! Peace and rest become real. We begin to experience self acceptance.
Furthermore, although persons should consider their own poverty and worthlessness, they should not be grieved or depressed, but rather they should feel happy and consoled; for You daily choose the humble and those who are despised by the world to be Your special friends and servants. ~~ Thomas A. Kempis - Roman Catholic Monk
More from the humble Catholic monk Thomas A. Kempis in “The Imitation of Christ”. Next to the Bible “The Imitation of Christ” is the most read book by humanity. It has helped millions:
But if they are firmly grounded in humility and filled with charity; if they seek purely the worship of God - looking upon themselves as nothing and sincerely despising themselves; and if they desire to be despised by others, then they may really hope that they have advanced spiritually and that in the end they will have the reward of God for all their labor.
I have often told you, and I repeat it again: forsake yourself and renounce yourself, and you shall enjoy great interior peace.
And just so everybody knows I’m schizoaffective (bipolar type) and I’m doing just fine with this. Properly used, hate can be good. From “Psychologist World”:
Hate by itself is the emotional dynamic of the ability to sustain long periods of concentration and meditation. It does not require an object to focus on (it mirrors pure love in this respect) ; it is a general-purpose tool for cutting positive attachments, especially in relationships (for example, pride in hate mode rejects another person, whereas hate by itself rejects any pleasant attachment to the other person). Hate produces clear thinking and strengthens a person’s will power. It supports the desire for solitude. It cools the mind and may easily be mistaken for a mild sense of peace. It is likely to be the prevailing mood when a meditator claims that they are no longer acting from a sense of ego. The skillful way of using hate is to clear the mind of redundant attachments and desires. https://www.psychologistworld.com/emotion/types-hate
Here’s an article on how a proper self hatred can save your life:
If God is love then He must hate evil. Things like racism, Nazism, mass shootings. There’s a healthy hatred of evil.
