Yeah, like Johnny said, here we go again…
I can understand your frustration, bro… sometimes it seems as though it’s just good ol’ fashioned prejudice and bigoty that keeps a lot of people from accepting homosexuals or their desire to have meaningful relationships just as we straight people desire to, but then I know it’s often more complicated than that…
I know that there are those who hold up the Bible, or at least their interpretation of it, at a higher level of importance and authority than I do, and want to stick by that out of personal principle, or they look at the biological factors in homosexuality, or the family dynamics of gay marriage with kids, or whatever they may be thinking about, and see it as ‘unnatural’, and so just don’t understand how it could be a good thing.
Of course, sometimes it is simply prejudice and bigotry more than anything else in some cases, or maybe a little mixed in with what I mentioned above, or whatever else.
But whatever the case, I know that those who are against it have their reasons, whether good or bad, and I try not to judge them for that, even if I disagree.
The main reason I don’t have much of a problem with homosexuality is because I’ve gotten to know some homosexual people myself, heard their stories, gotten a sense of their struggles and their desire for acceptance, seen their value as people, and as friends. So my attitude, for that reason and a few others, is pretty open.
But focusing on the issue at hand, I agree with Dick about the apostle Paul… I doubt he was a homosexual (I kind of lean towards the poor eyesight hypothesis myself if it was some kind of physical ailment, but then Dick’s interpretation makes sense I think), and although I used to think that maybe being born homosexual is God’s way of saying that you should take the path of celibacy, I’ve come to realize that that’s just a crazy, not to mention cruel, idea.
One of my closest friends is a gay man, who is married to a woman. He married her many years ago in the hopes that he’d change somehow, would go straight. But it never happened, and no matter how much he prayed, how much he begged and pleaded with God to change him. My friend loves his wife dearly, he has always thought of her as his best friend, and he wishes he could be straight for her sake, but he just can’t.
He has no trouble being affectionate with her, being close to her, and he feels very comfortable with her, but sex…
Amazingly, even though things were rocky early on, his wife has come to accept the situation, and so has he on some level. And they love each other as two souls, two people, even if they can’t make love physically because of my friend’s predicament.
So he is effectively celibate at this point, and so is his wife, even though they never asked for that (though no doubt few ask to be celibate).
They’re old enough now to where some of the fire has died down, but more importantly, their bond is too strong for them to even think of leaving one another over sex…
When I think of my friend’s situation, the whole ‘God makes you gay to push you into the path of celibacy’ argument just kind of falls apart, at least for me…
But I don’t know why my friend is in that situation, and neither does he. All I know is I feel bad for all the struggle he has had to go through, though I also think it’s beautiful that he and his wife are still together and still love each other and that they are soul mates even if they aren’t sexual partners.
And I think situations like that should give us some food for thought.
It’s easy to judge people whose shoes you’ve never been in, whose tears you’ve never cried, whose loneliness and confusion you’ve never felt. It’s far too easy…
I know that none of you here who are against homosexuality, for whatever reason, are bad people. I know that you live and love as best you can, just as I do.
I know that each and every one of you wants to be a good person, wants to stand for what’s right, wants to do what’s right.
And in your mind you just can’t see how homosexuality can be a good thing.
To be honest, I can’t seem to see a lot of good in it myself, for all the pain and heartache and confusion it causes in those who are homosexual or who love and care for those who are, and all of the hate and malice and inhumanity it brings from those who cannot accept its existence in this world.
But its there, so we have to face it, and how will we face it?
I have this theory, about life, something I was thinking about today.
A lot of people have tunnel vision, I’d even go so far as to say that we all do to some extent.
None of us can really see the big picture, see how everything fits together, none of us are omniscient, or at least not as far as I know, because I know I’m not omniscient.
Anyways, in this world there are so many voices, so many perspectives, so many truth claims and factoids, so many ways of looking at things, so many threads of this and that and the other, and how do we tie it all together?
We can’t. How can we, when we don’t even know everything there is to know (and even if we were to put all our heads together), let alone how to fit it all together?
There are those of us who try to figure out everything in the Bible, who think they can formulate some kind of theological theory of everything and get everything in life nailed down, as if the Bible was a textbook for life, or there are those of us who think they can figure out why God did this, or why God allows that; who think they can figure out why tornadoes wreck homes in Oklahoma, why people shoot defenseless kids in schools, like in Newtown, why people get sick, why people die, why animals or people tear each other apart, why people are born with deformities, with disabilities, or why people are born different from the norm, i.e. with a non-heterosexual orientation, and think they can figure out just what God is up to behind the scenes… and we all try to do that sometimes I think, we can’t help it, we just want to understand…
But I think the truth is there are a lot of unanswered questions, a lot of things in life that don’t seem to make sense, that bring pain and confusion, that break hearts and shatter hopes, and sometimes, we just don’t know what the hell is going on, if we’re honest enough to admit it.
Anyways, here’s my theory, which I admit is my own attempt at understanding, though not necessarily fitting everything together:
I wonder if the reason why life is so messy sometimes, why there are so many differences between people, like the color of our skin or our sexual orientation, etc, or why there are unanswered questions, or why the Bible is so confusing and confounding sometimes, or why the church is messed up in a lot of ways, or why the world is messed up in a lot of ways, or why there are so many voices and perspectives and threads that can’t all be tied together, is because God allows this to be how it is, or even makes it so, for some deeper reason…
And I think maybe the deeper reason is to challenge us, to challenge us to love one another, to accept one another, in spite of the mess of our lives and of ourselves, and despite our differences, to help one another and be there for one another in the face of unanswered questions, in the face of confusion and uncertainty, to find solidarity in our own brokenness and need for healing and hope, to find common ground in our humanity, in how none of us can see the big picture completely, can see the whole world, or the whole universe, and how it all fits together, but we can still be a part of the world, a part of the universe, and do some good in it, can leave some mark worth leaving before shuffling off to the next chapter, whatever that may be…
Of course this wouldn’t explain everything, even if it is true, but it’s just a thought, just a theory, though not a theory of everything by a long shot.
So how does this relate to homosexuality? I think it relates in this way:
Maybe God’s challenge to us as ‘normal’ straight people, being faced with those who are not ‘normal’ straight people, is to love and accept those who are different from us, to help them and be there for them in the face of their unanswered questions, their confusion and uncertainty, to find solidarity with them in our shared need for healing and hope (because don’t we all need that, in one way or another?), to find common ground with them in our shared humanity.
I think the same kind of challenge has been laid on people concerning issues of gender, race, class, religion, etc.
We humans have a knack for building up unhealthy walls of division between one another, forming unnecessary boundaries to keep others out, to keep others away, either away from us, and/or presumably away from God also.
But perhaps God is all about breaking those walls down? Perhaps God is all about widening the circle?
Perhaps God IS love?
I say all of this with the knowledge of my own weaknesses and shortcomings. I have often failed to love my neighbor, to care about those around me, to accept those who are different from me.
I have often failed the challenge, and I still do everyday, in one way or another.
But I’m a work in progress, and I want to keep trying to meet the challenge, because I believe that that is the challenge that is laid before me, the call to love and care for my neighbor. And who is my neighbor? Anyone and everyone.
And even if I can’t figure everything out about life and how everything fits together, I get the sense that focusing on learning how to relate to others, how to love, how to be a part of this world and this universe, is a good focus to have, and a worthwhile pursuit, and learning and growing in that perhaps may even be the key to our existence, may even be the reason why we’re here on this spinning blue marble in the first place.
Maybe learning how to love is ultimately more important than getting everything figured out…
May God help me in this, in learning how to love, and may God help us all…
Not sure if anything I’m saying is making any sense. If not, I apologize, and if so, that’s great, but whatever the case, may you be blessed, and hopefully this discussion doesn’t get too heated.
- yet another awkward and haphazard follower of Jesus, Matt