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CoJ: Chapters 35 & 36

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[size=150]Chapter 35: As Silent As A Breeze[/size]

___Time passed, slowly. But it passed.
___I saw Seifas wake. Dagon reacquired his normal nonchalance; although I now could see the signs beneath.
___Dagon chose a room, and closed its door, leaving Seifas to keep his watch alone.
___Seifas stretched, near the firepit, on the floor, having pulled out a tiny vial from a belt-pouch. Opening his ‘pillow’…Ah! An answer to a mystery!—a leather-covered book! He must have kept it in a trouser pocket. From within the book he picked a writing bone, dipping it into the vial.
___Seifas kept a journal.
___He lay on his stomach, leaving the healing scars upon his back to open air, his nose almost on the page, his hand precise and quick despite dim light—too dim for any normal man to read and write, but not for juacuaran eyes.
___Why so dim, I wondered…? Because, only one torch remained alight; and as I watched, it also sputtered and then extinguished. Older torches needed some attendance—but Dagon had been too intent on his hateful thoughts; and now the great and cautious juacuar was too intent on writing his book!
___Still, a meager firepit glow would be enough to show me, if I walked onto the landing.
___Seifas quickly settled into a habit: write one page, look around, and then begin another.
___Plenty of time.
___Gemalfan, in his disciplex, had written of an incidental property of Silveraire—one that now would serve me well.
___I waited, until Seifas gave the area a piercing gaze.
___Then I quickly jotted a plane of Silveraire, halfway down the hall, toward the firepit, filling it in from floor to ceiling and wide from wall to wall. With my smaller mirror still in place, I now could see the dim reflection of my section of the hall. I specially bound the jotting, securing the image of my hallway half, and then revolved my plate around its axis, like a cattle gate.
___When Seifas next looked up, he still would see my hallway section—just as he had seen it before!
___True, he would be seeing it reversed, as with a normal mirror; but in a symmetric hallway such a difference wouldn’t be instantly notable. A close inspection might have shown the stairways leading up and down had now reversed positions; but in chancy light this seemed unlikely. Besides, it only had to last for half a minute.
___I walked around the corner, to Jian’s door.

___What did I feel?
___Too many things.

___I placed my left hand near the handle of his door, and bound on it another, larger Airebelle—for of course my current sphere was pooling on its surface, not surrounding it. With my other hand I pushed the latch, opening the door within its silent belle.
___Dark inside—too dark for me to see. Now I had to take a risk. I whistled up a wisp, but fashioned it in the new alteration I had discovered that evening.
___It burst into its existence, but not brightly; glowing as faint as starlit mist instead.
___Showing Jian asleep upon the quitch.
___No furniture to speak of; only wooden framing in the far left corner, holding the grass and patch of dirt upon which Jian was sleeping. The frame was long, but wasn’t wide enough for two.
___Not under normal circumstances, anyway.
___I stepped with care into the room, then shut the door; and as it neared my unmoved wrist, I dropped its belle and yanked my hand inside, gambling that the small remaining “snick” would not be heard by Seifas—nor by Jian.
___Now that I was in, I dropped the Silveraire plate outside: at worst the juacuar would only see the firelight stretch a little further down the hall.
___I was in. I deeply breathed.
___My conscience twinged; I tromped it underfoot.

___I had come too far, I told myself.
___I owed this to myself, I told myself.
___Jian owed this to me, I told myself.

___Then why not let him choose to give it?
___Because I want it now, I told myself.

___I am so ashamed, for what I did that night.

[size=150]Chapter 36: How It Is To Be[/size]

___Short pegs hung above the bed along the wall. I jotted a larger Airebelle upon a peg, filling most of his room, and the next one over, leaving one small cleft for us to breathe fresh air.
___Still he slept.
___I released the bind upon my smaller belle. He would hear me now, and might awake too soon unless I acted carefully.
___Still he slept.
___One more jotting…and this I wanted Jian to hear.
___I started thrumming, deep in my throat.
___Yes, this sound was more than any human might emit in certain situations—just as stories say of magi. When combined with jotting, it can…interfere…with the intents of other people.
___I would render Jian susceptible to my suggestions…

___But, then I stopped myself.
___Not for shame of what I wished to do, I am ashamed to say. Something else occurred to me.
___Errants, Seifas had said, resisted magic. And Jian had been immune to pentadarts.
___No matter; I knew other ways to reach my goal.

___No matter.

___With those two words, I threw away what I had learned that night about reality—because the implications didn’t comfort me.
___I wanted to matter to Jian. It mattered to me that I matter to Jian.
___I refused to think of what Jian might think, about the matter.

___I lay myself, covering us within a dead man’s robe, to betray the fairest man I ever knew.

___I began.
___Jian turned and stretched beneath me. That was fine.
___Jian opened his eyes as he awakened to me. That was fine.
___I raised myself above him; showing him my self in my pride.
___Jian’s eyes focused onto me. That was fine.
___And then he spoke.

___As he opened his mouth, fear sliced into me.
___What I wanted, was for him to worship me.
___What I feared, was that he would repudiate me.
___What he said, was:
___“So.
___“This is how it is to be.”

___That was not exactly fine. But it would do.

___And then he pulled me down to him.
___And he was glorious.

___Soon I had lost my grip on everything—but on him.
___I didn’t care.
___I curled up in the darkness, safe and warm away from the world,
___where there was only healing and nothing that ever would hurt me.

Next chapter

Notes from the real author…

Yep, the title of Chapter 35 is my hint that after she lost her grip on the final Airebelle, she wasn’t entirely as quiet to avoid discovery as she wished. Thus accounting for an earlier mystery. :wink:

These are the two shortest chapters in the book, by design (although when trimming the Preface it ended up almost as short as 35.) The Preface Author will reveal later (at some time when I think it’s dramatically appropriate) that he has been touching up his transposition from direct sources a little for his wife instead of copying them directly–in textual studies we’d call this benign redaction–but Portunista wouldn’t want to dwell on the details so the PA is taking source from her Testimony pretty directly here.

As to whether this is the reason why she’s writing a confessional testimony in the first place–well, it’s kind of early in her story and the arc words “sharp cliff” don’t factor in, so the reader should guess not. I’ll make it very bluntly obvious when we get there, although I’m going to play with the reader’s expectations on it, too. I might as well spoil slightly and say that, in a way, all of Book 2 is about leading up to and going over the sharp cliff (also reflected in its title, Edge of Justice), so it won’t happen in this book. But Portunista, from her future perspective, doesn’t conceptually distinguish between various betrayals as being categorically different from one another: they all connect to the sharp cliff incident itself ultimately.

A couple of readers have told me they were surprised Jian not only didn’t talk Portunista out of it but actually went along with it. Good!–that ought to be surprising under the circumstances. I can’t explain why at this time without spoiling whassup with Jian, but I definitely had my reasons for going this route. Anyone who read my previous chapter commentary may guess that one of those reasons is that I’m playing with the standard paladin/enchantress trope. (Which I will confirm, if vaguely so, that’s a safe guess. :wink: )

Naturally, chapter 36 explains the title of the whole Section (“First Night”), although there’s also a more literal meaning (the whole Section, except for the morning after at chapter 37, takes place during their first night at the Tower.)