Hey Rob, I can really relate to where you’re coming from, bro… even coming to believe in universal salvation, there is still this fear under the surface, deep down inside of me, that comes out now and then, of an overly harsh and demanding God, and though He means to ‘save’ all, I sometimes find myself wondering, at what cost will that ‘salvation’ come, and will that ‘salvation’ only be some kind of mindless slavery? 
Will one have to forfeit their own self-awareness, and lose all of their individuality, for the sake of the collective?
These are just some of the thoughts that brew under the surface… 
And this brings up the fact that really, when it comes down to it, our eschatology, or what we believe about the final outcome, doesn’t matter as much as our belief about God does… if we believe in universal salvation, or that God will save everyone, basically that there is no such thing as an everlasting hell, separation, or punishment, but still believe somewhere in our hearts that God is some kind of tyrannical ogre or an indifferent observer, then it doesn’t help us much, because even with universal salvation in mind, our fears and our doubts about God can still paint a terrifying and horrifying picture of what that ‘universal salvation’ might look like…
For about as long as I can remember, I’ve wrestled with my view of God. I’ve had many doubts and many fears. Perhaps you can relate to this. I’ve cried, I’ve screamed, I’ve cursed, I’ve pleaded, I’ve begged, I’ve ached, I’ve longed, and I’ve agonized in prayer, throwing anger and fear and pain and hope in God’s direction over the years…
Lately, in the last year or so, I haven’t wrestled as much as I once did, and I think coming to believe in universal salvation has helped some with that, but I know that that image of a cruel and untrustworthy or else careless and distant God is still buried deep inside of me, and could rear its ugly head at any moment, until it’s been totally destroyed… and when that will happen, I don’t know…
In the last few days I’ve been re-reading a book I read aways back called Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning.
Just to say, on a sidenote, Brennan Manning was one of the authors who really helped me out a lot a few years ago through his books, helped me to find some kind of faith in Christ after running from God during my early twenties… he’s an honest, down-to-earth, compassionate writer, and I do believe that he has Universalist leanings, though I didn’t see that when I first read his books…
(here’s a link to Ruthless Trust on Amazon if you’re interested in checking it out:
amazon.com/Ruthless-Trust-Ra … less+trust)
Anyways, in the book, Manning makes the argument that at the core of our relationship with God, or any relationship with God, there must be trust.
And he says that trust is basically faith + hope, faith in God’s presence and hope in God’s promises, which kind of makes sense to me.
(He also quotes from another author, who’s definition of trust he was very fond of, which was that ‘trust is the courage to accept acceptance’ 
)
And he does talk a lot about how we view God, and how that impacts our relationship with Him.
And one of the things he brings up is how Jesus must be our way of coming to know who God really is, because Christ, as the Bible claims, is the perfect representation of God’s character and heart.
So in order to get to know God, we must get to know Jesus first, because if you see Him, then you see the Father, or our Abba (an Aramaic word which basically translates as ‘Daddy’), as Manning would like to say.
Manning also points out that all our preconceived views of who God is and what He’s like, whether terrifying or comforting, must be tossed aside when we encounter Christ, and instead of projecting our mistaken and/or incomplete views onto Christ and then onto the Father, we need to allow God, through His Spirit, via whatever means He chooses, to show us Himself who He really is and what He’s really like…
(On another sidenote, I don’t really understand the whole mechanics of God very well, like the whole Trinity thing or alternative views… I’m hoping God will help me to come to a better understanding of that in the future though…)
Here’s a quote to give you some idea of the flavor of the book:
‘I want neither a terrorist spirituality that keeps me in a perpetual state of fright about being in right relationship with my heavenly Father nor a sappy spirituality that portrays God as such a divine teddy bear that there is no aberrant behavior or desire of mine that he will not condone. I want a right relationship with the Abba of Jesus, who is infinitely compassionate with my brokenness and at the same time an awesome, incomprehensible, and unwieldy Mystery.’
I’m just about done with the book, and re-reading it I’ve been challenged. I do feel like I have so much to learn, and that when it comes down to it, I’m probably rather immature spiritually, and it’s tempting to hate myself for it.
But Manning addresses this feeling as well, pointing out in different places that though Jesus wants us to follow Him and become like He is, He works with us and is with us through the process, and understands our struggle… here’s another quote from the book that illustrates this:
‘Raw honesty with Jesus about our doubts and anxieties, our shabby prayer life and stale religiosity, our mixed motives and divided hearts is the risk we take in the certainty of being acceptable and accepted. It is the full and mature expression of invincible trust. Jesus is the friend who will never fail, the faithful one who will never be lacking in fidelity, even when people are unfaithful to him, the stranger to self-hatred who estranges us from self-hatred.’
So basically honesty is at the root of trust… so I think even just telling God openly and honestly that we’re scared of Him or angry with Him is a sign that we trust Him at least on some level deep down… trust Him enough to be real with Him… trust that He won’t obliterate us or ignore us when we open up to Him…
And I think He wants us to be real and open with Him. He wants us to engage in whatever way we can… like Manning points out in another author’s quote ‘90 percent of prayer is just showing up’.
It’s hard I know, trusting someone, or even believing in someone, having some kind of meaningful relationship with someone, that you can’t see with your eyes or hear with your ears or feel with your hands or totally understand in your heart, but that is what is asked of us.
Jesus said to Thomas ‘Blessed are those who believe without seeing.’
Perhaps He could have just as easily have said ‘Blessed are those who trust without understanding.’
It’s like my fiancee Kaylyn says: ‘If we can’t trust God, then who can we trust?’
That’s a good question, and really gets to the heart of this.
If the very foundation and ground of our very existence and our being is untrustworthy, then where can we go? Where can we run or hide? We’d be hopeless, and that’s all there is to it.
But that’s where trust comes in. We can either choose to assume that God is either a cruel tyrant who wants to condemn and/or enslave us, or that God is some kind of namby pamby Santa Claus figure who has no interest in or power to change us for the better, or somewhere in between or in that spectrum, or, we can believe something entirely out of that spectrum…
We can look to the cross, and see Someone who is willing to lay down their life for us, and look to the empty tomb, and see Someone with whom all things are possible, and who has the desire and the power to reconcile and restore and make all things new…
I wrestle with those terrifying images of God, and those comforting ones, too… but I know that the truth of who God is and what He’s like must be far more wonderful and beautiful, as well as far more awe-inspiring and humbling, then any kind of image or conception that I’ve picked up along the way…
I believe we all see through a glass darkly, and none of us have everything figured out… we can catch glimpses of Christ, and thereby of the Father… we can catch those glimpses in the Bible when something in there actually connects with us and makes sense to us (instead of confusing or frightening us), and in other literature as well, in music and in film and in all kinds of art, in nature, in our circumstances and memories, in dreams and visions, in miracles, and in the people around us, and even in our hearts…
And sometimes catching those glimpses of Christ and holding onto them may be like only touching the edge of His robes, but that can still be enough to bring us healing and bring us just a little bit closer to the Father, bring us just a little bit closer towards home…
Well, that’s all I have to share for now bro.
Just remember that you’re not alone. All of us are struggling in one way or another, and all of us need help in one way or another. But I believe that He is our Helper, and that He will stick with us always through thick and thin and will bring us all to where we were meant to be… and deep down in our hearts, where we ache and long to be…
Blessings to you Rob, and peace
Matt
), focus on doing what you can, not what you can’t… and I think when we keep going and don’t give up, when we keep praying and fighting the battle, instead of just walking away, then we’ll change over time… it may be gradual, even so gradual that it’s barely noticeable to us, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening…