As many of you know I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Through the years I’ve improved tremendously and have gained insights into my disorder. I no longer take mood stabilizers and am on a very small antipsychotic. It’s about 1/4 of what I use to take. That’s how much I have improved. My social skills are 10000 times better today. I find that Calvinism and being God’s special chosen exacerbates the mental problem. It places me at the center of the universe with no break in the deterministic chain of logic. There’s no room for paradox and mystery and hence no room for health. Moreover being at the center of everything is just an egoism delusion that paranoid schizophrenics have to an extreme degree. This is why I have become nothing or nobody special. Here’s how Eckhart Tolle describes the mental illness:
This has been my experience as well. When my ego deflates and I’m no longer a “somebody” or a special famous person the symptoms subside. The chain breaks as I see mystery and paradox within reality. I’m no longer boxed in on center stage all the time.