I just found out they have a name for my fear that causes me guilt and shame and panic. It’s Stygiophobia or the fear of hell as eternal suffering. In some very severe cases, a person suffering a panic attack triggered from Stygiophobia or Stigiophobia usually when exposed to its triggers such as hell can have one/or all of the following symptoms. I’ve experienced all of these:
The symptoms of Stygiophobia are very similar to other specific phobias and will often include:
Avoid making mistakes
Inability to Relax
An Impending Sense of Dread
Problems Concentrating
Being quick tempered
Feelings of dizziness
Prickly sensations like pins and needles
Palpitations
Aches & Pains
Fatigued Muscles
Dry and Sticky mouth
Sweating Excessively
Breathlessness
Migraines and Headaches
Poor Quality of Sleep
Stygiophobia Symptoms are generally automatic and uncontrollable and can seem to take over a person’s thoughts which frequently leads to extreme measures being taken to avoid the fear
This is what caused my psychotic delusions. Meth can cause permanent psychoses and flashbacks from having just one bad trip. The stress of fear shame caused me to flash back and snap. Here’s an article:
For some individuals, the psychotic state wears off as they come down from the drug. However, many users will note that after a time, meth psychosis remains far longer than the high from the drug, experiencing psychotic symptoms even when not using.
The effects of meth psychosis can last for just hours or days if you are “lucky”. Some people never completely recover and suffer from permanent states of psychosis or reoccurring instances that could be triggered with little to no warning.
I believe shame leads to substance use, isolation, anger outbursts, depression, anxiety, psychosis, cutting, suicidal thoughts/suicide attempts, and other maladaptive behaviors.
If you can hold onto the belief “I am a good person” even when you make a mistake, you are able to grow from your mistakes, rather than sink into a shame spiral.
A shame spiral is when an event triggers your shame and you are unable to control or stop your self-loathing.
To be most myself, I needed to focus on things outside myself, like the music or the people around me.
I also wrote about it here:
Living in the present and letting go gets rid of the fear for me. No worry or anticipation about the future. I do it with confidence. Doing it extremely afraid I always fumbled and made an idiot out of myself. I first accepted my true self as I let go and trust God. I get in what psychologists call flow. Athletes call it being in the zone. No fear in the moment. Only focus and hope. Here’s the paper above that I linked to on mindfulness.
Anxiety Reduction Techniques: Turning Your Focus Outward and Cultivating Mindfulness
With panic disorder and other anxiety states, there is a tendency to become too inwardly focused and obsessed with imaginary future catastrophes. Those who suffer from panic tend to obsess about physical sensations and get into a negative loop of fearful anticipation, unrealistic thinking, increased adrenaline, and more unpleasant physical symptoms.
One of the best ways to deal with a distressing internal state is to shift the focus outward. Many people who suffer from panic attacks do this instinctively, seeking distractions such as television, books, music, arts and crafts, or conversation with others. However, it can be helpful just to become more interested in your surroundings, really examining the things around you (sights, sounds, smells, etc.), shifting your focus to these external elements and away from the internal and ever-magnifying obsession.
Use Positive Distractions
Often when anxiety attacks, distraction is the best way to treat it. Positive distractions that shift the focus outward include:
Socializing
Playing games
Exercising
Cooking
Cleaning
Listening to music
Writing
Doing arts and crafts
Solving puzzles
Doing things for other people
Make a Habit of Focusing Outward
There are a number of things you can do to make a habit of shifting your focus outward:
Join clubs or activities based on your interests.
Take a class to learn how to do something you’ve always wanted to do.
Do volunteer work.
Start a fitness program with a friend.
Become more interested in other people – get to know your neighbours and ask others about their lives.
Get out into nature – start hiking or engage in some other outdoor pursuit.
Take up photography, landscape painting, or any other activity that encourages you to really observe what’s around you.
Meditate by focusing on objects that have positive significance for you or on feelings of compassion and gratitude for those who have been good to you.
When you do find your focus turning inward, shift to thinking about what you need to do to cope, to relax, to feel better. What could you do for yourself right now to enhance your confidence or overall mood? How can you best take care of yourself during this difficult time? Engage in positive self-talk, and consciously choose to visualize happy outcomes for yourself. Treat yourself as you would a good friend.
Cultivate Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a way of being within the present moment rather than worrying about the future. It increases your awareness of what is around you and enriches all life experiences, including the most mundane.
Mindfulness can help you learn to control your focus, either turning it outward or maintaining inward focus in a more positive way. Information about mindfulness can be found at:
San Francisco Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Mindfulness
Forsyth & Eifert (2008): The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
When I wrote down my life experiences with all my fears I came to see this. In being honest in doing a 4th step of AA/NA it has opened my eyes up to this. It’s easy to snap back into denial but I think I’ve finally gotten through this phobia.
I also take Zoloft and Wellbutrin. My doctor doesn’t prescribe addictive medicine as it can lead to addiction like Jordan Peterson’s case. I’m also glad the Catholic church draws a distinction between mental illness and demonic possession or influence. They have the truth here. I was talking to an old friend from high school and telling him about my schizoaffective. He said they are demons. I said well, when I got this shot here they went away. And it hasn’t come back since. My persecutory, grandiose paranoid delusions went away after I got put on this. I call it my ego deflater or humility shot. Works good so far.
Uprooting the Desires (shame, anxiety, bitterness) That Lead To Sin With Faith
Fear and anxiety and worry are about the future. When I’m worried about the future I’m in my mind or ego. In the past this fear of being harmed or plotted against by others has caused me to drink and do drugs. Alcohol released my fears where I could communicate and talk with others but the next day I would feel more fear and shame. Shyness turned into social phobia and social phobia turned into paranoia. I have found that this fear is uprooted by having faith in God. Such a faith secures the future and gives one hope. Hope pushes the desires that lead to sin out of the heart as one relies on God like Christ did. It’s by the joy set before us. Not only does it push desires out of the heart but it brings strong desires to the heart as one is thrown into the current of love. It’s faith - hope - love. It’s faith working itself out through love. The joy of faith. In the Bible faith produces obedience. The power to love is the confidence that God will take care of my future. It’s the obedience of faith as one trusts and relies on God like Jesus did. It’s faith working itself out through love.Christ’s atoning death secures the future with his blood bought promises. Example:
God says, “Vengeance is Mine I will Repay”
When my faith is in God the desires for sin is pushed out of the heart. I let go and let God handle it. Rather I love the enemy just like Christ did. Another example:
God works all things together for good for those that love Him.
I place my faith in God and Christ as it gives me hope.
Dealing with shame:
If we confess our sins He will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
My faith is in God. Indeed. when facing shame that comes from the rejection, and ridicule of others I trust God when He promises to one day vindicate His children. Oh the glory that awaits those who are despised and rejected by others misplaced shaming. It’s faith working itself out through love. When my future is in the hands of an all powerful and loving God who promises to work out all my circumstances for good, anxiety is broken as the heart opens up to love. The desires that lead to sin are pushed out of my heart as God infuses me and covers me with His righteousness.
These negative emotions are a stressor causing relapse and flashback of my psychosis. I’ve written about this here:
As I’ve stated elsewhere I was very shame based growing up. Intense shame lead to substance abuse, anxiety, and psychoses. Shyness turned to social phobia/anxiety, social phobia/anxiety turned to paranoid psychoses. My paranoid delusions are based on intense shame and anxiety. Shame spirals (self loathing) caused my psychotic break. This happened one time when I was off my medicine and suicidal. Believing that hell was eternal and that I deserved to suffer forever caused a shame spiral when I was meditating on evil/suffering/hell. I was trying to solve the problem of evil and suffering. I deserved suffering forever and this shame spiral caused intense anxiety, paranoia, persecutory delusions. I was evil at the core and hated myself. This projected outward made me think they were coming after me. I was at the center of the universe on center stage. The all seeing eye was watching and the shame of my sin caused the spiral in my head to twirl out of control. I had the image of Judas going crazy and hanging himself racing through my mind. I don’t deny that some shame and anxiety are good motivators for change. But this is only when there are moderate amounts of it. Eternal hell is overkill and caused me psychoses. I don’t think it was the only thing. There were other contributing factors to my shame like drinking and doing drugs. But the fact that this caused me to be a sinner deserving of eternal suffering for my sins triggered a shame spiral in me as I became suicidal with my head spinning out of control as I became panicked like Judas. Purgatorial Universalism is better for me. It’s just enough shame and fear not to be overkill leading to obsessive compulsive shame spirals leading to psychoses. Here’s a paper showing how shame spirals (self-loathing) leads to addiction and psychoses. It did for me anyway.
