Well. Well well well. Well well well well well.
Some good observations on his Royal Bobness, Dick. One or two of them might even have a grain of truth in them. Ahem.
But before I tie you to a hurdle, drag you through the streets of old London town behind my horse, sling a rope round your neck and hang you within a whisper of your life, eviscerate you with a blunt spoon and set fire to your lights and melts before your very eyes, let’s just remind ourselves who we’re talking about here.
We are talking about the greatest living American. The guy who single-handedly invented folk music, folk-rock music, protest music, country and western, gospel, rock, Christian rock, ska, house, hip hop, dub, garage, techno, heavy metal, black metal, thrash metal, death metal, doom metal, grindcore and rap.
The guy who changed music forever. The guy without whom there would be no Bruce Springsteen. No Simon and Garfunkel. No David Bowie. No Tom Waits. No Dire Straits. No Neil Young; no Crosby, Stills and Nash; no Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. No Patti Smith, no Smiths, no Roxy Music, no Beatles, no Rutles, no Elvis, no Rolling Stones, no Michael Jackson, no Pink Floyd, no Deep Purple, no Green Day, no Tangerine Dream, no Sex Pistols, no Clash, no Slipknot, no Spinal Tap, no Black Sabbath, no Boyzone, no One Direction, no Miley Cyrus, no Wreckless Eric, no Chas and Dave, no Bob the Builder, no Mozart, no Beethoven, no Rimbaud, no Keats, no Byron, no Milton, no Shakespeare and DEFINITELY no X-Ray-Spex.
The guy who wrote Blowin’ in the Wind, The Times they are A-Changin, Knocking on Heaven’s Door, Subterranean Homesick Blues, Tangled Up in Blue, I Want You, Desolation Row, Like a Rolling Stone, If Not for You, Chimes of Freedom, A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall, Maggie’s Farm, Ballad of a Thin Man, Rainy Day Women Nos 12 & 35, All Along the Watchtower, Forever Young, Gotta Serve Somebody, Highway 61 Revisited, Mr Tambourine Man, This Wheel’s On Fire, Jokerman, Positively 4th Street, Blind Willie McTell, I’ll Be Your Baby Tonight, With God on Our Side, Make You Feel My Love, Hurricane, I Shall Be Released, It’s All Over Now Baby Blue, Queen Jane Approximately, Visions of Johanna and Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again. To name but 32.
The guy about whom Barack Obama said “there is not a bigger giant in American music” (not bad, considering he’s only five foot one); and about whom the Pope said “I love that one with the chorus that goes everybody must get stoned”.
The guy who England fast bowling legend Bob Willis loves so much he changed his name by deedpole from Robert George Willis to Robert George Dylan Willis.
That guy.
Now, en garde, sir.